SOON...

Saan kaya ako pwedeng magsimula?

Kailan kaya ako makakapagsimula?

Bakit ba kailangang magsimula kung magtatapos lang din naman?

Paano ba magsimula kung ayaw mo namang matapos?

Minsan, iniisip ko.. Tama kaya yung mga desisyon na nagagawa ko sa araw-araw?

Tama kaya yung mga bagay na nabibitiwan kong salita sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko?

Ano kayang mangyayari bukas?

Tapos sa bukas pagkatapos ng bukas?

Minsan, iniisip ko, sana madali nalang sumagot ng mga tanong noh?

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng masamang balita.

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng pagkatalo.

Sana iba ako.

Sana ako, siya.

Kaso, hindi.

Iba ako. Iba siya.

Diba sabi nila, pagpinilit mong hanapin yung wala sayo, hindi ka kailanman sasaya?

Pero, bakit ako?

Nakita ko na siya, pero wala siya sakin, pero masaya pa din ako?

Anong tawag dun?

Martir o mapagbigay?

Haha. Pano nga ba ko magiging mapagbigay kung nung una palang hindi naman siya naging akin?

Hmm.. Siguro, mali yung sabi nilang hindi ka sasaya kung pilit mong hinahanap yung wala sayo..

Baka ang gusto nilang sabihin, madali lang maging masaya, ang dapat lang, imulat mo ang iyong mga mata.

Nagawa mo na ba yun?

Kung ako ang tatanungin, malamang hindi pa.

Kasi alam kong hanggang ngayon, bulag padin ako sa katotohanang masaya ako dahil nandiyan siya.

Pagpinikit mo yung mga mata mo, anong nakikita mo?

Madilim diba?

Pero kahit papano, may naaaninag kang liwanag.

Yun siguro yung gusto nilang sabihin, yung liwanag na yon ang makakapagsabi ng kung ano ang makakapagpasaya sayo.

Sana madali nalang magmulat ng mata at tanggapin kung ano ang nasa harap mo na.

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng mga bagay-bagay.

Kaya lang, hindi ganoon.

Tao lang tayo.

May mga bagay na gusto nating ipaglaban kahit man lang sa huli.

May mga bagay na gusto nating baguhin.

May mga bagay na pilit nating binabago kahit sa huli, talo na tayo.

Kasi nga, tao lang tayo.

Ganoon tayo ginawa.

Ganoon tayo tinuruan.

Yun bang ‘wag basta basta sumuko sa mga pagsubok na darating sayo.

Ikaw?

Saan mo balak magsimula?

Kailan mo nalalaman kung dapat ka pa bang lumaban?

Paano ba ang tumanggap ng pagkatalo?

Bakit ba kailangan may natatalo?

Sana madali lang malaman.

Sana malaman ko na.

Sana matanggap ko na.

Sana sabihin na din ng panahon na, tama na.

At paggising ko, wala na lahat.

Tapos alam ko na kung saan, paano, kailan at bakit ko kailangan magsimula.

My Happy Ending

               I know that nobody's perfect, but this won't stop me from hoping that someday, someone who's perfect for me will come. He will be someone I dreamt of, someone who will love not just my positive sides but also my flaws and weaknesses. He will have my heart and full trust, and he will not - never - hurt me. Every time I'm with him, I will feel like I'm in Cloud 9;
We will be good together and good for each other.

              Someday, I will fall in love with the right person, at the right time, and for all the right reasons. And when that happens, I will not get so caught up in him that I will forget all the little things I love about myself, like my dreams, the things I can do and the people who love me. He will help me achieve my little goals everyday, like to smile and be contented, and even support me in pursuing my grandest, craziest dream: TO BE A FILMMAKER!

              I may not seen into the person I deserve anytime soon, but that's okay; I have my whole life ahead of me. I 'm not in a hurry. I know the good and loving guy is out there and he is also looking for me. And when we do find each other, it will be real and wonderful and magical and AMAZING! And I will know for sure that the long wait - and maybe even the heartbreaks that came with it - was totally worth it.



This was from Candy! Mag 2010 issue, if I'm not mistaken. I completed the blank parts so that it'll look more like it's from my "fairy tale like" journal.

Forget yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow

Yesterday; the things that already happened, either you leave it or live in it.

Today; another life, another hope, another chance to make things right.

Tomorrow; a day to look forward to.

Forget Yesterday.

Letting go and moving on, so easy to say but too difficult to do; when can we say that we are fully recovered and ready to face the day with a brave heart?

"Don't give up and keep on moving forward", these are the words I keep on advising whenever I have a friend in pain. Letting go of the things, memories or even the person who made you truly happy is never - will never - be as easy as we thought. Broken hearts, broken smiles, teary eyes and sleepless nights; when can we find the sun again? How can we even forget the person/s who taught us to smile and believe that, love is a greatest gift? Why are we feeling so much pain? Why hearts have to be broken? Why can't we just all be happy? Why life is so unfair? These are just some of the million questions we want to have an answer but unfortunately, we sought nothing and keep on going back to the blanket of sadness.

It is a cycle and it will soon be over if you chooses to stop it, being sad is normal but staying sad and keeping your resentments is your choice, alone.

As I write this, I remember my own sad story, how I buried myself on bed, crying, listening to The Script's, The Man Who Can't Be Moved, reminiscing all the good times I had when I am with him until one day I told myself, "This isn't healthy anymore" and started putting myself right back on track. My yesterday was full of drama but that didn't give me any excuses not to wake up today and face life with a braver heart.

You, can also do that, just learn to open your heart and let go - hundred percent - one by one, step by step. It is not an easy process but soon, you will be able to do it.

Live For Today.

Thank God for giving you another day and giving you the chance to fix what have been broken. Start the day with a positive thinking and smile, doing the things you used to do with a person 00you love and doing it alone might look real hard but by just closing your eyes and thinking that you can still get up on your bed, smile at your problems and laugh at jokes, you're okay - getting better.

Hope For Tomorrow.

Help yourself to stand and walk to that road to find yourself again, fix it and slightly look back -NOT GO BACK - see how miserable you were and not wanting to be in that situation, ever. Hope for a better and not bitter you.

Giving your hundred percent love in a relationship is not a bad thing but not a good thing, either.

FINDING YOUR BALANCE is important, learn to give but do not forget to keep a little for yourself. Finding true love is a trial and error process; if you failed, keep your chin up high, move forward, forgive, forget and leave all the bitterness behind. If you found it, keep it and take good care of it 'cause love is greatest gift from God.

REMEMBER:

I miss you doesn't always mean I want you back, sometimes it only means you crossed my mind and I hope you're doing fine.

- Put title here -

I am bored. What to do next?

Check online status?

Tweet 'til I got bored?

Watch tutorial videos on Youtube?

I swear, I'm trying my best to write something..

But these are the only words that keep on entering my mind..

jgshdgbfhncjasdfghqwerty

And these..

fgkhoiyuirofgvdsokfeorkedf

That's how bored I am. I'm not even sure if that's nonsense are words. rofl

So, since I am bored and I have got nothing to do, well that's why it is called boredom 'cause you've got nothing to do. Does that make sense? I don't know either.

Instead of giving you nonsense thoughts, I wanna share you something.

Something that is actually my life changer -- if my life really does change -- and the reason why my point of view about love, changed.

Let me start it with this....

"May sense siya kausap, infairness"

"Alam mo, matalino siya."

"He is a genius"

Those are what I got when I literally tell the world that I'm in love with an artist, almost two years ago.

All the mem'ries are still vivid from the first months to the month where I realized that it was not just an admiration nor infatuation but a thing they called, "love"

Most of you might think he's my boyfriend but he's not, he never were.

Relationship doesn't started yet but it has to end because the feelings are not mutual and I don't wanna keep on pushing myself when I know that in the end, I will just lose the battle.

Risking might take you somewhere, but giving up might actually mean new beginning.

So, what I did was, nothing. I just wanna feel how light is the feeling when you're in love and up until now, I can feel that lightness -- especially when I'm seeing him, except the teasing part, of course -- the sparkling eyes, the sweetest smiles and head over heels feeling, that is just the best.

I mentioned a while ago about how my point of view changed when I met him; first, because love is even more magical as I thought. Second, looking at the physical appearance alone might not give you the feeling of true happiness and lastly, an artist might look strange at first but if you straightly look into their eyes you can see that, there is something there.

I did not write this on purpose, I just feel like sharing. I just wanted to tell how happy I become because of experiencing this true happiness, this thing they called -- we called -- "love."

Tell me

Looking at you at distant

Waiting for the signs I've been wishing

Smiling at myself saying

"We were meant to be

Can't you see?"

(R)

Tell me you love me

Tell me you care

Tell me you wanted to to hug and kiss me all day

Tell me.. Tell me..

I was walking with my friends at the hallway

Accidentally bumped you and saw you smiling

Pumping heart, sweating hands

Am I already in heaven?

'Cause you like st. gabriel

(R)

Tell me you love me

Tell me you care

Tell me you wanted to to hug and kiss me all day

Tell me..

(B)

Days had passed

Love that did last

Wasted time

Waiting for everything to fall in their places

I will always be the girl at distant

Watching you smile

Watching the sky holding the stars

(R)

Tell me you love me

Tell me you care

Tell me you'll still be the same guy

I used to love at distance..

This is the result of my boredom!

I feel like writing a song rather than a rhyming poem.

Is it good or is it good? LOL!

You can give me some idea for the lyrics or the title itself.

If you think it's a bit vague or corny or whatsoever. :-)

P.S

Still working on the melody. :-)

Soul mate?

Sabi ng marami, yan yung taong itinadhana para sayo. Yun bang pareho kayo ng gusto, pareho kayo ng ayaw at pareho kayo sa lahat ng bagay.

Sabi naman nung iba, soulmate na daw nila yung mga taong kaya silang intindihin, yung kaya silang ipaglaban kahit kanino, kahit saan at kahit paano.

Nagsearch ako kung ano nga ba ang tunay na ibigsabihin ng soulmate, sabi dun "match made in heaven." Naisip ko, "match made in heaven?" sila ba yung mga taong pinagpala? Yun bang pinagpala na mahalin ng mga taong pinili nila, pero pano kung hindi ka mahal nung taong mahal na mahal mo? Soulmate parin ba tawag dun? Match made in heaven o match never mind?

Hindi ako naniniwala sa soulmate, dahil una, soul mate is for souls who are seeking attention, pangalawa, I don't want to depend everything into it at pangatlo, the person I strongly love doesn't love me in return. Soulmate pa rin bang matatawag kung isa lang ang nagmamahal? Soulmate parin ba kahit na nasasaktan ka na? Soulmate parin ba pag kahit kamustahin ka hindi niya magawa?

Signs minsan ang ginagawang signal para malaman kiung siya na yung soulmate mo, pero pano pag nangyari nga yung mga signs na yun pero hindi dun sa taong mahal na mahal mo? Pano kung nagkatotoo yung sign na hinihingi mo sa tao ngang mahal mo pero ikaw naman yung hindi niya mahal? SOULMATE PA RIN BA YUN?

Sa labing walo kong taon kong pananatili sa mundong to, isang beses lang akong humingi ng sign, nangyari nga pero hindi naman dun sa taong mahal ko. Gustuhin ko mang ipilit na sana ibigay Niya nalang siya saki, nauuwi pa rin ako sa mga katagang, "ganun talaga ang buhay, aasa kang mamahalin ka rin kahit konti pero sa huli makikita mo lang yung sarili mo na nagmumukhang tanga para sakanya."

Habang nasa biyahe ako ng buhay, nakikita at nalalaman ko kung gaano kakulay ang mundo, kung gaano kaingay ang mga kalsada, kung gaano kasaya ang edsa at kung gaano ko siya bigyan ng atensyon at wala lang yon sakanya. Sabi ng marami, makikita mo din yung taong "itinadhana" para sayo, destiny nga daw pagnagkita kayo at nagkatinginan sa mata at mahulog sa isa't-isa.

Destiny?

Tadhana?

Kapalaran?

Sabihin na nating pinagtagpo nga kayo ni Kupido. Nagtagal kayo. Matagal na sumaya sa isa't-isa. Tadhana parin ba ang mga gawa nun? Tadhana din ba ang may gawa pag nagkahiwalay kayo ngh hindi sinasadya? Tadhana din ba na masaktan ka?

Gusto kong makilala si Kupido at ipakwento sakanya kung ilang puso na ba ang napaluha niya. Kung ilang ngiti na ba ang nagawa niya.

Ikaw, hahayaan mo ba ang sarili mong isugal ang puso mo kay tadhana? O hahanapin mo ang sarili mong saya gamit ang iyong mga mata?

WHY?

I have a lot of questions in my mind.

I have a lot of "drama's" in my life.

Why am I not like this?

Why am I not like that?

WHY?

Why are you giving me so much pain?

Why do you have to do this to me?

NO. Why fate introduced you to me?

Why destiny let you exist in my world?

Why love have to grow?

I want to forget this.

I want to forget my feelings.

I want to just live life without you. Haha. Yeah, I know, THE HELL YOU CARE?! Sorry ha. My life's just full of drama! D-R-A-M-A!

I can't help it. I can't just tell my heart, "Hey! Stop loving him. Stop beating." Damn! For chrissake! I've tried and for the Nth time.... I FAIL! :'/

It's still you whom I want.

It's still you whom I like.

It's still you whom I want to share my "forever" with.

yeah, if forever exist.

I know, I look so goddamn stupid for doing this..

These moves,

these stories,

these blogs,

these poems,

but how can I blame myself? Kung nagustuhan lang naman kita diba?

Is it a sin to LOVE? I mean, am I committing sin?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

YES because I know, you're getting tired of all the rumors,

all the stories, all the people telling you things about this, about me.

NO because I just admired you, or better say I just love you.

Sorry for all the rumors.

Sorry for the mess I'm making.

Sorry for interfering your silent world.

I know, you'll know it.

Sooner or later, you'll be reading this.

Sorry because I like you.

Don't worry 'cause I'll teach myself to forget everything.

You know, as if nothing happens.

As if I don't know you.

As if you don't exist.

You'll be happy, I know, and you'll say, "Hay! Buti naman natauhan na siya. Ayoko naman talaga sakanya."

Hindi mo man sabihin, ramdam ko. :-)

i'm praying for tomorrow if I woke up, I'll be the old me.

NO YOU.

NO LOVE.

NO EVERYTHING but A SMILE. :-)