He Loves Us

May 2, 1992- the year I was born. This, I guess, is the most amazing thing happened to my mom and dad- because I was the first child. My mom made sure that every time I’ll cry every dawn she’ll be there and will be making milk for me. My school days came and I will never forget what my mom is always telling me, “if you were asked by your teacher don’t ever be shy and hesitate to answer. And if it’s wrong, don’t give up, you’ll soon know the correct answer to his/her questions,” indeed, she was right!

My first crush came and she’s always, “you have to finish your studies first. It’s okay to have crushes, they’re just inspirations, but don’t forget that you also have your limitations.”

I had my first boyfriend and I kept it to her thinking that I might be scolded or rebuked by her, but when she found out, the only thing she told me was, “firsts are amazing, seized it.”

I never imagined that being in love is just like being on a battle, a battle where the only thing you need is a heart and an open mind, but I don’t have those at that time, so I lose it and started to think of things that are beyond life, like death, but I remember what my mom said, “firsts are amazing, seized it,” so what I did was, I cried- like the whole night- learn from it and moved on.

There are a lot of trials, problems and obstacles I need to surpass on before reaching and becoming what I am today. Not passing my first ever entrance exam to the university my mom wanted me to enter, not getting the course my mom wanted me to get, being laughed at, keeping my God given talent- because I thought, I was not as great as everybody else- disappointing my parents for failing my grades way back 2008, not having that self confidence, being so shy, being too insecure, not reaching people’s expectations to me, not having trust to myself and to Him.

I sometimes asked God why He’s giving me a hard time, why can’t it be a happy life until I finally face death. Why do I have to be someone who doesn’t have anything? Why am I hurting so much? Why do I have to over think things? Why can life be so easy? But I get no answer; He gave me blessings- a lot of blessings, instead. That moment, I finally realized that, it’s not about who hurt the most or who cried a lot, it’s about how faith and trust you have for Him. I questioned my faith before and not wanting to be with Him nor believing in Him, but believe it or not, He is the only one who listens when nobody else does. He is the only shoulder I cried on when the world turn its back on me. He is the only man who respected me when all of them are being so insolent. He is the only one who loved me despite of my shortcomings. He hugged my weaknesses, insecurities, coyness, unfaithfulness and discouragement.

Now, I am very fortunate because I am learning to regain what my mom was telling me when I was just a little kid, “you are an amazing daughter and you have an amazing talent. Don’t be shy to show the world what you have and keep me and daddy proud, but most of all keep Him proud.” Today, I am able to show and proved to the people who didn’t believed in me that I can do all the things they thought I couldn’t be. Today, I can sing in front of the world. Today, I can be someone my mom and dad are proud of. Today, I cannot be cheated or hurt or lied on. Today is about my dreams and finally reaching them. Today, I can be me- just me.

Thank you Lord because you taught me how to be brave and how to fight for the things that are worth it. Thank you for giving me my family who were there despite of me having my tantrums and unpredictable moods. Thank you because I finally see the light inside my heart. Thank you because you are always with me no matter what. Thank you because you’re making me always happy. Thank you because you’re always giving me hope. Thank you because you believed in me. Thank you for being my hands in reaching my dreams, my eyes for seeing the truth, my mouth for speaking what is right, my ears for hearing the good words and most especially, my heart for loving the people who love and hate me. I know you will forever be with me now that I finally open my heart to you. I know you will never let me down.

I’ve never been this happy and contented, just now. My heart is just full of love. I can definitely say, “He loves us.”

That kind of guy

Most of us, especially girls, want a guy who can provide everything we wanted and wished for.

Or a guy who's "perfect."

Tall.

White.

Chinito.

Vampire like.

Cute smile.

Amazing outfit.

Justin Bieber.

ABS and etc..

But as for me? I've got one definition of a real man, and that is.. "loyal"

In all honesty, I don't easily fall in love- well, not unless we've known each other for like, 10 years- of course, I can at least tell if I've fallen in love with you or not.

Anyway, for the past 4 years that I've been all alone- technically, single.

I have already made a picture of my "almost perfect man"

Let me it start with this..

I want a guy who can laugh with me even when the whole world is literally staring at us.

I want a guy who is willing to stay up all night just because he wanted to see me in my most innocent state.

I want a guy who is not ashamed of having a bad-hair-day or no-gel-day, but still can go outside and have a walk with me.

I want a guy who is not afraid to have a fight with me and still stand for what he think is right.

I want a guy who is willing to have a shopping day with me and will not- never- look bored.
I want a guy who will understand that I love Banana's and will never question me why I buy too much of it.
I want a guy who will understand that I love bands.
I want a guy who will be with me watching concerts- from rock concerts to love mellow concerts, just like the Air Supply concert tour.

I want a guy who can sing in a Live Karaoke and will never be ashamed even when he can't hit the notes.

I want a guy who is not as vain as me.

I want a guy who can take good pictures.

I want a guy who can play at least one musical instrument.

I want a guy who will not get mad if I put make-up on him while he's sleeping.

I want a guy who is not afraid to wear pink.

I want a guy who can watch a movie with me and not be annoyed if I always make a side comments.

I want a guy who is not afraid to have social networking sites- he's a human after all.

I want a guy who is not as intelligent as Einstein, but not as ignorant as Patrick Star.

I want a guy who can bravely show to her mom that he's a big guy already.

I want a guy who has own decisions in life.

I want a guy who can consider himself as an artist- having a tattoo is a bonus.

I want a guy who loves to cook.

I want a guy who is friendly, but not flirty.

I want a guy who is willing to dance- even if he's not a dancer.

I want a guy who can understand if I say I can't hold his hands or hug or kiss him, yet.

I want a guy who knows how to listen.

I want a guy who loves music as much as I do.

I want a guy who has a good sense of humor.

I want a guy that will surprise me in the most unexpected days.

I want a guy who can act they say rather than say it alone.

I want a guy that is worth my trust.

I want a guy who will love my mom.

I want a guy who can put all our pictures together in his room and not be ashamed of it.

I want a guy who knows how to respect.

I want a guy who will still stay outside with his friends even without my permission, because I think, they are still entitled with their own freedom.

I want a guy who will call me up late just to say I love you.

I want a guy who will not depend everything on me, but rather depend everything to Him.

I want a guy who will never get tired of listening to my random rants.

I want a guy that can write songs.

I want a guy who cannot sleep, up until we've settled everything.

I want a guy who is not narrow minded.

I want a guy who will understand that I am not like any other girls- that I have an unusual mood swings. That I cannot handle my emotions sometimes.

I want a guy who can say to my dad that I am the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

and lastly,

I want a guy who is perfectly imperfect. :-)

I know it is kinda impossible that one guy will have all this qualities, no ones perfect, right?

But, still, I am hoping that there's someone out there who is willing to be like one just because he loves me and he thinks I am the one.

It may take years and years before love comes, but I am still willing to wait for that kind of guy. ♥

SOON...

Saan kaya ako pwedeng magsimula?

Kailan kaya ako makakapagsimula?

Bakit ba kailangang magsimula kung magtatapos lang din naman?

Paano ba magsimula kung ayaw mo namang matapos?

Minsan, iniisip ko.. Tama kaya yung mga desisyon na nagagawa ko sa araw-araw?

Tama kaya yung mga bagay na nabibitiwan kong salita sa mga taong nakakasalamuha ko?

Ano kayang mangyayari bukas?

Tapos sa bukas pagkatapos ng bukas?

Minsan, iniisip ko, sana madali nalang sumagot ng mga tanong noh?

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng masamang balita.

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng pagkatalo.

Sana iba ako.

Sana ako, siya.

Kaso, hindi.

Iba ako. Iba siya.

Diba sabi nila, pagpinilit mong hanapin yung wala sayo, hindi ka kailanman sasaya?

Pero, bakit ako?

Nakita ko na siya, pero wala siya sakin, pero masaya pa din ako?

Anong tawag dun?

Martir o mapagbigay?

Haha. Pano nga ba ko magiging mapagbigay kung nung una palang hindi naman siya naging akin?

Hmm.. Siguro, mali yung sabi nilang hindi ka sasaya kung pilit mong hinahanap yung wala sayo..

Baka ang gusto nilang sabihin, madali lang maging masaya, ang dapat lang, imulat mo ang iyong mga mata.

Nagawa mo na ba yun?

Kung ako ang tatanungin, malamang hindi pa.

Kasi alam kong hanggang ngayon, bulag padin ako sa katotohanang masaya ako dahil nandiyan siya.

Pagpinikit mo yung mga mata mo, anong nakikita mo?

Madilim diba?

Pero kahit papano, may naaaninag kang liwanag.

Yun siguro yung gusto nilang sabihin, yung liwanag na yon ang makakapagsabi ng kung ano ang makakapagpasaya sayo.

Sana madali nalang magmulat ng mata at tanggapin kung ano ang nasa harap mo na.

Sana madali nalang tumanggap ng mga bagay-bagay.

Kaya lang, hindi ganoon.

Tao lang tayo.

May mga bagay na gusto nating ipaglaban kahit man lang sa huli.

May mga bagay na gusto nating baguhin.

May mga bagay na pilit nating binabago kahit sa huli, talo na tayo.

Kasi nga, tao lang tayo.

Ganoon tayo ginawa.

Ganoon tayo tinuruan.

Yun bang ‘wag basta basta sumuko sa mga pagsubok na darating sayo.

Ikaw?

Saan mo balak magsimula?

Kailan mo nalalaman kung dapat ka pa bang lumaban?

Paano ba ang tumanggap ng pagkatalo?

Bakit ba kailangan may natatalo?

Sana madali lang malaman.

Sana malaman ko na.

Sana matanggap ko na.

Sana sabihin na din ng panahon na, tama na.

At paggising ko, wala na lahat.

Tapos alam ko na kung saan, paano, kailan at bakit ko kailangan magsimula.

My Happy Ending

               I know that nobody's perfect, but this won't stop me from hoping that someday, someone who's perfect for me will come. He will be someone I dreamt of, someone who will love not just my positive sides but also my flaws and weaknesses. He will have my heart and full trust, and he will not - never - hurt me. Every time I'm with him, I will feel like I'm in Cloud 9;
We will be good together and good for each other.

              Someday, I will fall in love with the right person, at the right time, and for all the right reasons. And when that happens, I will not get so caught up in him that I will forget all the little things I love about myself, like my dreams, the things I can do and the people who love me. He will help me achieve my little goals everyday, like to smile and be contented, and even support me in pursuing my grandest, craziest dream: TO BE A FILMMAKER!

              I may not seen into the person I deserve anytime soon, but that's okay; I have my whole life ahead of me. I 'm not in a hurry. I know the good and loving guy is out there and he is also looking for me. And when we do find each other, it will be real and wonderful and magical and AMAZING! And I will know for sure that the long wait - and maybe even the heartbreaks that came with it - was totally worth it.



This was from Candy! Mag 2010 issue, if I'm not mistaken. I completed the blank parts so that it'll look more like it's from my "fairy tale like" journal.

Forget yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow

Yesterday; the things that already happened, either you leave it or live in it.

Today; another life, another hope, another chance to make things right.

Tomorrow; a day to look forward to.

Forget Yesterday.

Letting go and moving on, so easy to say but too difficult to do; when can we say that we are fully recovered and ready to face the day with a brave heart?

"Don't give up and keep on moving forward", these are the words I keep on advising whenever I have a friend in pain. Letting go of the things, memories or even the person who made you truly happy is never - will never - be as easy as we thought. Broken hearts, broken smiles, teary eyes and sleepless nights; when can we find the sun again? How can we even forget the person/s who taught us to smile and believe that, love is a greatest gift? Why are we feeling so much pain? Why hearts have to be broken? Why can't we just all be happy? Why life is so unfair? These are just some of the million questions we want to have an answer but unfortunately, we sought nothing and keep on going back to the blanket of sadness.

It is a cycle and it will soon be over if you chooses to stop it, being sad is normal but staying sad and keeping your resentments is your choice, alone.

As I write this, I remember my own sad story, how I buried myself on bed, crying, listening to The Script's, The Man Who Can't Be Moved, reminiscing all the good times I had when I am with him until one day I told myself, "This isn't healthy anymore" and started putting myself right back on track. My yesterday was full of drama but that didn't give me any excuses not to wake up today and face life with a braver heart.

You, can also do that, just learn to open your heart and let go - hundred percent - one by one, step by step. It is not an easy process but soon, you will be able to do it.

Live For Today.

Thank God for giving you another day and giving you the chance to fix what have been broken. Start the day with a positive thinking and smile, doing the things you used to do with a person 00you love and doing it alone might look real hard but by just closing your eyes and thinking that you can still get up on your bed, smile at your problems and laugh at jokes, you're okay - getting better.

Hope For Tomorrow.

Help yourself to stand and walk to that road to find yourself again, fix it and slightly look back -NOT GO BACK - see how miserable you were and not wanting to be in that situation, ever. Hope for a better and not bitter you.

Giving your hundred percent love in a relationship is not a bad thing but not a good thing, either.

FINDING YOUR BALANCE is important, learn to give but do not forget to keep a little for yourself. Finding true love is a trial and error process; if you failed, keep your chin up high, move forward, forgive, forget and leave all the bitterness behind. If you found it, keep it and take good care of it 'cause love is greatest gift from God.

REMEMBER:

I miss you doesn't always mean I want you back, sometimes it only means you crossed my mind and I hope you're doing fine.

- Put title here -

I am bored. What to do next?

Check online status?

Tweet 'til I got bored?

Watch tutorial videos on Youtube?

I swear, I'm trying my best to write something..

But these are the only words that keep on entering my mind..

jgshdgbfhncjasdfghqwerty

And these..

fgkhoiyuirofgvdsokfeorkedf

That's how bored I am. I'm not even sure if that's nonsense are words. rofl

So, since I am bored and I have got nothing to do, well that's why it is called boredom 'cause you've got nothing to do. Does that make sense? I don't know either.

Instead of giving you nonsense thoughts, I wanna share you something.

Something that is actually my life changer -- if my life really does change -- and the reason why my point of view about love, changed.

Let me start it with this....

"May sense siya kausap, infairness"

"Alam mo, matalino siya."

"He is a genius"

Those are what I got when I literally tell the world that I'm in love with an artist, almost two years ago.

All the mem'ries are still vivid from the first months to the month where I realized that it was not just an admiration nor infatuation but a thing they called, "love"

Most of you might think he's my boyfriend but he's not, he never were.

Relationship doesn't started yet but it has to end because the feelings are not mutual and I don't wanna keep on pushing myself when I know that in the end, I will just lose the battle.

Risking might take you somewhere, but giving up might actually mean new beginning.

So, what I did was, nothing. I just wanna feel how light is the feeling when you're in love and up until now, I can feel that lightness -- especially when I'm seeing him, except the teasing part, of course -- the sparkling eyes, the sweetest smiles and head over heels feeling, that is just the best.

I mentioned a while ago about how my point of view changed when I met him; first, because love is even more magical as I thought. Second, looking at the physical appearance alone might not give you the feeling of true happiness and lastly, an artist might look strange at first but if you straightly look into their eyes you can see that, there is something there.

I did not write this on purpose, I just feel like sharing. I just wanted to tell how happy I become because of experiencing this true happiness, this thing they called -- we called -- "love."