WHY?

I have a lot of questions in my mind.

I have a lot of "drama's" in my life.

Why am I not like this?

Why am I not like that?

WHY?

Why are you giving me so much pain?

Why do you have to do this to me?

NO. Why fate introduced you to me?

Why destiny let you exist in my world?

Why love have to grow?

I want to forget this.

I want to forget my feelings.

I want to just live life without you. Haha. Yeah, I know, THE HELL YOU CARE?! Sorry ha. My life's just full of drama! D-R-A-M-A!

I can't help it. I can't just tell my heart, "Hey! Stop loving him. Stop beating." Damn! For chrissake! I've tried and for the Nth time.... I FAIL! :'/

It's still you whom I want.

It's still you whom I like.

It's still you whom I want to share my "forever" with.

yeah, if forever exist.

I know, I look so goddamn stupid for doing this..

These moves,

these stories,

these blogs,

these poems,

but how can I blame myself? Kung nagustuhan lang naman kita diba?

Is it a sin to LOVE? I mean, am I committing sin?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

YES because I know, you're getting tired of all the rumors,

all the stories, all the people telling you things about this, about me.

NO because I just admired you, or better say I just love you.

Sorry for all the rumors.

Sorry for the mess I'm making.

Sorry for interfering your silent world.

I know, you'll know it.

Sooner or later, you'll be reading this.

Sorry because I like you.

Don't worry 'cause I'll teach myself to forget everything.

You know, as if nothing happens.

As if I don't know you.

As if you don't exist.

You'll be happy, I know, and you'll say, "Hay! Buti naman natauhan na siya. Ayoko naman talaga sakanya."

Hindi mo man sabihin, ramdam ko. :-)

i'm praying for tomorrow if I woke up, I'll be the old me.

NO YOU.

NO LOVE.

NO EVERYTHING but A SMILE. :-)

I'm okay but not alright.

I can say that I'm okay but not fully recovered.

This past few months, I blogged about him, only about him.
I'm in love, I'm light, I'm in cloud 9 but I realize sometimes, we have to wake up and face reality, face the consequences for taking the risk, face the pain though it hurts like hell.

I know I don't have the right to demand nor assume from him but as a human I guess, I still have the right to say "it hurts", it feels like I was hit by a car and praying not to wake up again but unfortunately when I opened my eyes... I'm at the hospital.. Curing myself..
I thought I was okay, it's fine with me as if nothing happens, I'm not affected but at the end of the day, I will think of no one but him.

Ang hirap lang kasi wala akong pinanghahawakan. Walang ikaw. Walang ako. Walang TAYO. Walang mga salitang "ingat ka", I miss you" at "I love you". Kahit ilang beses kong sabihing "KAYA KO" hindi ko pa rin kaya at hindi ko pa rin kayang kayanin na lang muna. Ganito pala pag nagmahal ka ng totoo, yung lahat binigay mo pero hindi ka pwedeng umasa ng kapalit, hindi ka pwedeng umiyak, hindi ka rin pwedeng magreklamo.. Kasi ginusto mo yan.

Maybe one day, I won't anymore think of you nor say anything about you; saying your name will be the hardest thing to remember and I'm hoping one day, if our paths will ever cross again, at least saying "what's your name again?" will be my lightest day because for once, I'll forget everything I went through when I'm deeply in love with you. I don't blame you nor the girl you like, you know who I blame? MYSELF! For letting me fall into you, no, fall deeply in love with you. I'm not perfect, I can't even say I'm intelligent, I can't compete to her, I'm not even pretty but I have one word to describe me, I'M UNIQUE. :-)

Iba ako sakanya, sakanila. Kung kaya nila, siguro nga hindi ko kaya pero alam ko sa sarili kong yun ang susi para mas kakayanin ko at lagpasan pa sila. Kumbaga sa daan, pakanan lahat sila, pakaliwa ako. Mahirap, malayo, maraming harang, walang short cut pero alam kong nasa tamang daan parin ako. Di ba nga.. Mas minamahal ang mga taong pinahihirapan? :-)

I know God love me because He put a barrier between you and me. At this point in time, I learn to value myself more, learn to love myself more and learn to smile more often.

BEING GREAT IS GOOD BUT BEING UNIQUE IS BETTER.Ü

Hope you find your happiness. :-)
And I'm hoping this is not the last time I will feel this, because falling in love can give you lightness within, though it will give you pain and heartaches but at the end of the day you'll see yourself NEW, FRESH and READY AGAIN TO FACE THE DAY. :-)

C3133410-5ACE-68CC-F7D0-00BDA042965E

1.03.01

August 23,2010

Alright. I'm writing random thoughts AGAIN. :)

Well, I just really want to share what happened a while ago..
So, I went to our room. I actually arrived LATE! Epic!
I'm always late anyway, so, WHAT'S NEW?
I'm expecting him to be there the moment I enter the room but UNFORTUNATELY, he's waaayyy later than me. :))))))))
Meant to be? lol!

So, after that class.. We had a Film Analysis in my Philippine Constitution subj. w/c I thought was pretty great! :)

Exactly 2pm, our last class for today..
I'm HAPPY! SUPER! :)
During the class I was assigned to distribute the paper w/c I hate, I just don't know what spirit go over me and I loved it. :)))
Oh shocks! :D

then, right after I went outside.. Tiff called me then, ask for my permission to just you know.. give some comments about her finding a bassist.. And after what had happened.. I can't remove my smile from my face :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE.. Ü
WE CAN DANCE FOREVER. :)♥

SMILE :)

I saw you walking
Did you see me staring?
I smiled at you
And look at your eyes too

I'm inspired seeing you
And starting the day too
Just you and your heart
Can put my pique apart

You really are a gift from God
You make me happy when I'm sad
I'm so blessed I found you
I know now what to do

I love you yesterday
I love you today
Will love you tomorrow
And until tomorrow ends

ADMI(RED)

Just the way you are
And the way you talk
You are a present from above
Round and round I search
Over and over I quest
More love I give
Everything that you do is a gift
Pick you up on my dreams
All these feelings emerge
But you still pick her over me
Lost in love I become
Oh! My dear, you still have my heart. :(

what you did to me is a Major Disaster..

I've been dreaming of you for almost a month now.. I always day dream that one day I will be the one holding your hands and we're both walking under the sun beside the sea shore.

Everytime I'll look at you I can't help but smile..
Everytime you'll look at me I can't help but blush..
You're just a perfect prince for a waiting princess..
Can't we just be more than what we have right now?

Whenever the class starts, I'm wanting you to look at me or at least just a glance from you.. But I always fail. :(

One day, I saw you looking at me.. My heart beats so fast, my cheeks blush, and my hands trembled.. See what you can do to me?
You're like a lightning to me.. You always make me shock.

I'm eager now to give my heart and I know soon you'll be the one to take it..
Say it... Say it that you're going to take it?
I'm afraid to fall because I'm afraid you're not going to catch me..
But I'm taking the risk.. Taking the risk even if I don't know what will happened next..

I like you, I love you, I adore you, I want you.. What else can I say?
Aren't you believing me?
I'm saying the truth, I do love you..
And I'll wait till you say I love you too..

When I look at the sky..
It's your face I see..
In my dream you kiss me..
And my body tend to fly..

When I hear you speak..
I take a little peek..
I saw your eyes twinkling..
Like a shining star at night..

Your voice is like a music in my ears..
It keeps on running and it's so fierce..
How can I tame you?
If you were like a boar destroying my own forest?

I can't turn my back on you..
'Cause I love every little thing that you do..
I'm your biggest fan..
And you're my hero..

It's your face, your lips and your eyes..
That made my heart melt like an ice..
I want to just go with the flow..
So, please don't go..:(

Infatuation or love?

Alright. So, it's been 3months since I wrote a blog..
Yes. 3mos. if I'm not mistaken..

I just want to share this to you..
I've known this guy for like a year BUT were not friends it's just that I knew him 'cause he's my former classmate last year..

And I honestly don't have this "mutual" feelings for him... yet.

June 18, 2010
We had an activity..
Also the day where I notice him..
Notice his eyes and his smile..
I don't know but after that said activity my feelings began to grow..

I honestly don't know how to start my day w/out seeing him..
I know it's kinda weird but it's true...
He's actually my appetizer.. (if you know what I mean)

Some of my classmates were really shock when I told them I had a crush on him.. I don't know why they reacted like that.. haha! But anyway, it doesn't matter.. What matters is.. Me and my mutual feelings for him.. :)

I don't know if it's love or just an infatuation..
But whatever it is..
I'm loving it.. :)

Carson and Richard! :D

Aaaaaa!!!! This day will be my happiest day! :D When I met carson♥ and richard at Trinoma Malls..
Me and my classmates were like.. Walking and touring around.. When we saw these cute PBB ex- housemates..

At first we had a doubt asking them for a picture.. But since it's gonna be "take it or leave it" scenery.. We asked them for some spare time taking pictures with us.. And they indeed favored us! Ü
aaaaa!!! They're so tall and handsome! really! ♥
esp. Carson of course! :D

The little conversation:
me: hi richard! Hi carson! :D
richard: hi :)
carson: *smiles*
tiff: can we take a picture with you guys?
carson: yea, sure :)
**picture moment**
roxanne: wait.. another one? :)
richard: yea.
**silence**
richard(looking at me.. Oh god! I almost passed out!lol): meron pa bang ibang Mcdo dito? Bukod sa nasa likod natin?
Me: (tulaley) ah.. oo, sa taas..
richard: okay.. thank you :)
us: thanks! bye! :D
richard and carson: *smiles*

Oh c'mon!! hahah! I almost passed out! I mean.. This two are like.. really.. down to earth..haha! yea, they really should.. they aren't that famous tho.. lol! But I love them :)

Then, we also saw.. joe, kayra, and the big guy?.. I forgot his name... :)

The reason why I'm a Parawhore..

First of all..
As I've always say..
They know how to jive in with their fans..
And the most of all..
They know how to MOVE ON so fasssstttt!!
I mean, to what had happened to hayley yesterday..


I fell in love with her EVEN MORE
I don't actually effin care what other people say..
If she's these or that.. The hell I care?
I still love her and the band! Ü

Kazel && Carson got evicted.. >:L

Carson Vince & Kazel Kinouchi got evicted from the PBB house last night and I effin' don't like the result..
Mas okay naman sila kesa sa ibang housemates..
Argh!
Mas nakikita ko ang effort ni Carson kesa sa iba and masipag siya talaga..
Aside from fretzie, nagustuhan ko din si Kazel kasi nakikita ko sakanya sarili ko.. I'm not a bulimic tho.
Wala ng reason para manuod ng PBB..
Si bret, ryan, at fretzie nalang yata nakikita kong medyo okay-okay dun.. Wala lang.. Dapat talaga bnblog to noh? hhha!!

What if the man you thought will teach you how to love again.. Has a heart for your best friend? Will it hurt?

Alright.
It's 18th of May and our 7th anniversary..
No, not my boyfriend but my bestfriends :)

I enjoy this evening..
We cooked a pasta..
Then, one of my bff's bought a doughnut.
And I bought a cake! :)

We enjoy this day.. It was like another reunion with the two guys from tpc.. :)
Another group of my guy friends.. hehe..
We used to make groups when were in HighSchool.

Then, when we finished eating..
One of them open a topic about me and the "said" guy I love..
And then I was like "so? What's with him? He's not here anyway.. So, why talk about him?"
Then, he whispered to me..
"That guy is courting our best friend"

I was shocked!
Terribly shocked!
Like.. I was really shaking while I'm holding my phone.. Tweeting about happy moments..
I don't know what to say..
And suddenly my eyes became teary..
I'm trying my best to hide it from them so, I made some jokes..
And laugh at that issue..
And hopefully I did it great..

*sigh*
Ang hirap pala pag yung gusto mo may ibang gusto tapos bestfriend mo pa.. :((((((((
I can't stop the tears from falling.. :((

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFP3UzGP9Wg

Weight doesn't matter..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sDuOY6Nj1g

haha! Nung una ko 'tong nakita sa popular site na You Tube..
I was like.. "aaaa!!! So true!"

Andun ako sa stage na.. Medyo nakakarelate kasi ako..
Though.. Walang bullying na nangyayari..
Yun nga lang..
Hindi ko rin kayang makipagsabayan sa mga magaganda at sexy na pretty girls diyan..

Alam ko..
May kanyakanya tayong ganda pero pagnaiisip ko na mas parin yung sakanila..
May parang lungkot..

"gusto ko naman yung tunay na ganda.. hindi langyung sa panloob" --devi played by Melai..
Parang naisip ko..
Oo nga..
Ayoko naman nung lagi nalang panloob na kagandahan..
Iba pa rin kasi yung
First Impression
May iba kasing tao na sa unang tingin pa lang nila..
OA na kung makapanghusga..
Wala ka pa namang ginagawa feeling nila masama ka na..
Porket kapos ka sa ganda..
Outcast ka!
Ang sakit lang isipin na..
Bakit hindi nalang tayo lahat maganda o gwapo..
Bakit kailangan may nahuhuli?
Bakit kailangan may kulang?
Bakit kailangan pangit?
At bakit kailangang may nasasaktan?

Hindi ba pwedeng lahat na lang tayo masaya?
Lahat nalng may ngiti sa mga mukha?

"iba pa rin ang karakter kesa sa itsura lang.. Mas maganda yung may kabutihan ka.. pang habang buhay yun"

ganun lagi ang line na naririnig ko kapag ka merong mga taong hindi masyadong kagandahan ang nasasaktan..
Pampalubag loob ba yun? o ano?

Isang araw, naisip ko nalang na..
Pano kaya kung baguhin ko ang sarili ko?
Yun bang..
Make over..
Pero.. pagkatapos nun..
Naisip ko din..
Wag na pala.
Kasi kung magugustuhan ako ng tao gusto ko yung tunay na ako na lang..
Hindi yung ibang ako..
Mahirap yun..
Kailangan ko pang isustain yung kunyaring ako na yun..
Kaya wag na lang.

"mahal ka kita.. kahit anong sabihin nila.. Kaibigan kita eh."

Nung narinig ko to sa isa sa mga kaibigan ko..
Nasabi ko nalang..

Maganda parin ang buhay..
Mahal nila ko eh..
Kaya mamahalin ko rin ang sarili ko tulad ng pagmamahal nila sakin.. :)

Already a Lady :)

yikesss!
Does it suits me? hahalol!
I enjoy my last last nights party.. :)
Though, some of my friends didn't able to come 'cause of some personal reasons, I guess.

But I want to thank those who came and made my birthday so special :)))

Kahit habang nagiinuman kami ay nawalan ng ilaw..
Around 1 or 2am na yata yun..
At ang daldal ni astron habang inaasar si Lhorv. haha

Basta masaya..
Kahit wala yung taong inaasahan ko nun..
Si .....
Andun naman yung picture. haha!
Pwede na siguro yun? lol!
Salamat din pala sa regalo nila..
Nagulat pa ko nung una bakit nila pinaprint yun eh meron naman ako sa cp ko ng kopya. haha
May tititigan na ko bago ko matulog sa gabi. hahaha!
JOKE!
*sigh*
masaya na kulang..
Pero pinuan naman nila yun..

Bati na rin kami ng kaibigan ko.
haha!
Na habang nagiinuman kami eh hindi ko siya kinakausap dahil nagtampo na ko..
Pero okay na..
Nakita ko na rin naman effort niya..
Pwede na siguro yun? hehe..

Sorry nga pala dun sa mga CHSian kong friend..
Hindi ko na sila naimbita dahil super layo na rin ng mga bahay nila at linggo.. Alam ko namang hindi pwede pag ganung araw..
Pero magkikita naman kami by May 25..
So, pwede na ulit yun. hahaha!!

Hay..
May 2 :)
The day that I was born..
The day that a new lady already born Ü
With lots of loving and crazy friends! :DDD

I'm not a Girl not yet a Woman.

17 years of my existence is really not an easy thing..
Well, 17 years of having problems, obstacles, trials and whatever you may call it..
But still I want to thank God for giving me those problems.. At least I knew how huge his trust to me..

17 years of meeting NEW people..
17 years of laughing..
17 years of crying..

And now another year for me has come..
Another responsibility..
Another smile..
Another tears for me to cry..

And new me.. :)
I don't know now how to be a little girl anymore..
As my title says it all..
I'm not a girl NOT yet a woman..

I just would like to thank all the people who became a part of my 17 years here in the world.. (goodbye much?lol)
My Best friends..
Close friends..
Special friend..
Friends..
Classmates..
Schoolmates..
Professors..
Teachers..
My siblings..
And most importantly..
My Mom :)

*sigh*
I'll be 18 tomorrow.. And I want to enjoy being 17 todaaaayyyy! :D

Time Machine

Ang daming bagay sa mundo na minsan pinagsisihan ko..
Tulad ng bakit ko ba ginawa to..
O bakit ko ba sinabi ang mga ito..

Time Machine..
Matagal ko na rin inisip na sana may magimbento nito..
Para kaya tayong ibalik nun sa nakaraan..
Tapos gagawin kong tama lahat ng mga ginawa kong mali noon..

Alam ko.. Na mali.. Mali yung magsisisi ka..
Pero minsan sa buhay ko.. Nakagawa ako ng mga bagay na hindi ko dapat talaga ginawa.. Siguro.. Nagawa ko nalang yun dahil kasi "defense mechanism" kung baga.. Para na rin hindi ako masaktan..
O hindi ako makasakit.

Bakit nga ba ang hirap magpatawad?
Natanong ko na rin to noon pa..
Bakit ba hindi ako mapatawad ng taong naging importante sa akin..
Yung pinahalagahan ko..
Ang dami kong tanong sa isip ko noon..
Na sana hindi ko nalang ginawa to..
Sana hindi ko nalang sinabi to..
Pero wala na.. Nagawa ko na. Nabitawan ko na.
Nasira na lahat.

Hanggang ngayon hindi niya pa ko napapatawad..
Hindi niya pa rin ako kinakausap.
Naintindihan ko siya.
Inintindi ko siya.
Pero sa haba ng panahon na nakalipas napagod na rin akong humingi ng tawad..
Kung natiis niya ko.. Tingin ko matitiia ko rin naman siya.
Basta nagawa ko na ang parte ko.. tama na yun. Db?

Kung may Time Machine siguro..
Binalik ko na ang panahon kung san masaya ko kasama mga kaibigan ko..
Binalik ko na yung panahon na naramdaman ko ang salitang pag-ibig at sa parteng yun gagawin ko ng tama lahat ng mali kong nagawa..
Tapos siguro happy enig na yun noh?

*sigh* Sana nga..
May ganung klaseng gamit db?
Kaso wala..
Kaya..
Make the most out of it.

Minsan lang dumating ang mga taong magmamahal at mamahalin tayo ng boung puso..
Wag natin masyadong pansinin yung mga taong naninira at gusto tayong sirain dahil kung papansinin natin sila at bibigyan pa ang panahon..
Magiging katulad lang din nila tayo..
bitter..
pathetic..
and unloved..

Evidence

As all we know..
Evidence is a proof that you made a crime.. Isn't it?

And if you happen to know Urbandub (a Filipino indie band) you can actually relate to what will I wanted to share..

Third Parties...
In all honesty, hindi ko pa nararanasan ang maloko.. Manloko siguro?
Pero.. Nagtataka lang ako..
Bakit may mga taong kailangan pang manloko para sumaya?
Meron nga ba talagang mga taong hindi marunong makuntento?
O minsan ayaw lang talaga nila makuntento?

Teka..
Una, para saan ba ang kabit?
Pangalawa, ano bang nakukuha nila dito?
At pangatlo, yayaman ba sila dun?

Kung ako ang tatanungin..
EWAN KO..

Aaminin ko, nanloko na din ako..
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko yun nagawa..
O kung may mga bagay bang nagtulak sakin para gawin yun..
Sagot......
WALA
Nagtanong tanong ako sa mgakaibigan ko na naranasan at nakararanas na ang magloko.. Kumbaga sila yung nanloloko..

Para sa unang tanong..
Para san ba ang kabit?
Sabi nila..
"Wala lang, out of curiosity lang siguro kaya ko nagawa yun.. Kung tutuusin.. Hindi masaya pero parang astig kasi.."

Sa pangalawang tanong..
Ano ang nakukuha nila dito?
"Parang ganun din sa una.. Wala.. Parang lalaki ka kasi talaga tignan pag marami kang gf db? Aminin mo man o hindi.. Yun at yun ang lalabas.."

At sa huling tanong..
Yayaman ba sila dun?
"Kung pera ang usapan.. Hindi syempre.. Kami pa nga lugi dami naming paggagastusan.. Pero kung sa paastigan lang din naman.. Oo naman! Alam mo sa panahon ngayon wala ka ng makikitang one woman man db?

Pagkatapos kong itanong ang mga yon..
Naisip ko..
May punto siyang tama.. Pero mas nkalalamang pa rin yung punto na mali..

Bilang babae.. Na maldalas maloko..
Masakit para sakin na marinig ang mga salitang yun sa isang lalaki lalo na't kaibigan ko n pa ang nagsabi ng mga yun..
Nakakalungkot kasi pwedeng isang araw may babaeng iiyak dahil sakanya..

Bakit nga ba pag ang lalaki ang nagloloko..
Okay lang..
Normal lang yun..
Parte ng pagiging lalaki ang ganun..
Pero pag ang babae ang nagloloko..
Malandi..
Makati..
Walang kwenta..
Pabaya..

Gusto ko lang malaman..
Bakit ang unfair ng mundo?
Pag ginawa mo to..
Mali sa ibang tao..
Huhusgahan ka kagad kung anong ginawa mo..
Na dapat ang tinatanong sayo ay kung bakit mo iyon nagawa..

Babae ako at alam ko kung gano kasakit ang lokohin at iwanan ng lalaki..
Lalo na pag mahal na mahal mo na siya..
Pero minsan wala ka ng magagawa kasi hindi na ikaw yung mahal niya..
Hindi na ikaw yung dating hinahatid niya..
Hindi na rin ikaw yung dating kasabay niya sa pagkain..
Ang mas masakit..
Malalaman mo na dalawa pala kayo sa puso niya..

Minsan naiinis na rin ako sa mga taong nagpapakatanga kahit ala nilang may iba na yung taong mahal nila..
(Patawad sa matatamaan)
Pero hindi ba..
Napakaraming tao sa mundo..
Hindi karapat-dapat iyakan ang mga taong nanloloko..
Hindi sila yung tipo ng taong dapat sambahin at balikan..

Masakit iwan ang taong nagmahal sayo..
Yun nangako na hindi ka niya iiwan..
Yung nagsabing forever tayo..
Yung taong kasama mo mangarap at bumuo ng pangarap para sainyo..

Pero maniwala ka man o hindi..
Mas masakit pag nalaman mong bawat pangakong binibitawan niya sayo ay sabay din nyang binibitawan iyon sa isa pang tao..
Hindi ba?

Maraming tao sa mundo..
Minsan kailangan lang natin ilibot ng mabuti ang ating mga mata..
Kasi hindi natin alam yung taong hinihintay natin nandyan lang pala..
Hindi naman natin kailangan magmadali..
Lahat dumarating..
Sa tamang panahon at sa tamang pagkakataon..

Always the friend BUT never the girl.. Ironically true.

"I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine.. But is this all we'd ever be? I've loved you ever since you are a friend of mine but babe, is this all we ever could be?"

Another song that suits my dilemma this past few days..
It's so hard to fall in love.. But it's even harder to fall in love with your friend :(

April 17,2010~
We both went to a Lamb of God Main Act Concert.. PULP summer slam to be exact, with his cousin and our mutual friend..
I enjoy the evening..
I enjoy being with him..
But what I mostly enjoy is how he show his concern to me..

He asks me, "hey, you okay?"
"are you tired?"
"are you stressed?"

Alright. I know it's so normal for a friend to ask those..
But if your going to ask me if it's normal.. Well, no. 'cause I like him.. And every day that pass I'm liking him even more.

Okay.. When the concert starts.. I knew it was going to be a riot. lol! 'Cause it's Lamb of God so there will gonna be moshpits!
I know I can handle those stupid ass but he still cares for me..
He hugs me whenever those stupid ass push us and kick our butt..
He gives me air to breathe.. He even hold my hand.. :(

I prayed for that night NOT to end..
But sooner it'll end..

After that sweat and rocking first song performance of L.O.G..
He touches my face then smile..
I swear! That'll be the happiest moment of my life! :)

But after that rocking night I wonder.. "does he have the heart too?"
Or it's me again putting a lot of meaning into it?
I can't help myself but to wonder..
So, I texted my friend to ask what is this guy wanted to tell..
And I was disappointed when he answered me..
"you're still the friend I've known.. Don't mind what he's doin' I mean, the sweetness he's showing you. You're just a friend. Remember that! Put that in your mind!"

I wanted to cry.. But I can't. If I cry.. He might ask me what's wrong.. So, I hold my tears and try to smile and make some jokes..
Can you imagine how painful I went through? :((
It was HELL!

Then, the moment some stupid ass push me..
He hold my hand but this time.. I let go.
It'll hurt me more if I continue believing that he also has a heart.
It'll hurt me more if I continue believing that he wanted to be with me.

I want him.. God knows I really love him.
But it's too painful for me to admit it.

I'm afraid of the possibilities that he might be distant from me..
I don't want it to happen.. :L

Now, if I would be given a chance I'll shout in front of him "I LOVE YOU" :(

I guess, this saying is true..
Always the friend and never the girl.. :(

Temporary

"'Cuz anyone can see that this is only permanent.. Temporary So don't hurt me this time.. And it's all a GAME but I know we'll stay the same But repetition ends in failure And every time I see it in your eyes.. When repetition ends we'll start over"

this was my favorite lines in Paramore song Temporary..
the moment I hear this song..
I was like..
"Oh no! It suits me.. It suits everything about me.. About what's happening to me right now"

So, I use to love this another song from Paramore..
It's Demo though.. And it's so 2004..

Alright. Off topic..
Last night, I went to Misty's place to celebrate his birthday..
I enjoyed it.
I loved it.
And I am actually excited to meet some new people..

I was sharing my experience last April 9 in some of my friends who unfortunately didn't get a chance to join us..
Then, I open again the topic about me & the guy with me on the said date..
I swear! I still can't get over!

How I wish I could tell him how much he mean to me..
How much I wanted him..
How much I want him to be with me..

I know, it isn't right but what am I gonna do.. If he's the only reason why this heart not afraid to try and to love again?

I was once hurt by the person who means so much to me..
Every time I'll take a ride then accidentally seeing his house..
I can't help myself but to reminisce everything we've had..
I know, I'm stupid letting him go..
I know I hurt him.. And hurt myself as well..

And now, my heart says, "I'm now ready to fall in love with him.."
And my mind says "but don't choose him.. He's not the one"

What now? Am I going to follow my heart? Or to follow my mind?
I don't know what to do..

If I continue loving him..
I'll end up hurting my heart..
Hurting my entire self..

"baka naman walalang yun sakanya..
Binigyan mo lang ng meaning?
Wag mo msyadong isipin yun..
Kasi baka masaktan ka lang"

"Ako din ganyan.. Akala ko wala na.. Pero nung nakita ko siya ulit.. Bumalik.. At hanggang ngayon.. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya.. Subukan ko mang pigilan nasasaktan naman ako."

This was my friend's statement about my situation..
Did I really give such a malicious meaning to those things he did to me?
Or he also has a heart?
I bravely asked my bff about him and ___..
And she briefly explain to me the whole story..

"Hindi sila nung _____.. Nililigawan niya lang yun.. Parang ayaw pa nga nung girl eh, pero mahalaga na rin daw si _____ sakanya.. Hindi naman daw maganda yung girl.. Nagustuhan nya lang talaga.. M.U yata sila ngayon.. You know, just like any other boy,girl situation.. They value each other that big but NO COMMITMENTS."

When I heard her saying there are NO COMMITMENTS going on between the two..
I was really happy but then, a bit sad when she told me that "they value each other so much"
How I wish he value me as much as he's valuing _____ :(

But if he's really be happy with that girl.. I'll have nothing against it.
It'll make me so sad and depressed tho..

Everything in these world is Temporary..
Learn to value those people who loves you..
'Cause they may not be there the next day..
So, love them as much as God loves you :)

As of now, I'll just teach myself how to love him unconditionally..
Meaning, I'll love him without expecting anything in return..
I know it'll hurt me..
But that's the irony of life..

you'll love but not be love or you'll be love but you don't love
as irony as
fish can't fly and birds can't swim.. :L

He'll still be the reason why my heart chooses to love again..
Nothing more.. Nothing less..

The route..

Jessica's place- McDonald- San Mateo- Montalban Rizal

Ito ang route na pinuntahan ko kahapon.. Kasama ang aking friends! :)
Madami din akong nakitang bago..
Bagong lugar..
Bagong tao..
Tulad nlang yung tricycle driver na over sa pgtulong samin para makakuha ng jeep papunta dun sa mismong venue..
Yung guard na wagas kung makakalabit. haha!

Ang saya..
Parang ayoko na nga lang matapos yung araw na yun kasama sila! :D
Yung bawat saya, ngiti, at hagalpak ng bawat naming tawa..
Parang ayoko na lang isipin kung ano ng mangyayari sa kinabukasan..
Parang gusto ko tumigil na lang yung oras.. Kasama SIYA.. Kasama sila..

Pagdating namin sa lugar..
Kanya-kanyang bihis na..
Kuha ng litrato dito..
Kuha ng litrato doon..
Ngiti dito..
Ngiti doon..
Pose dito..
Pose doon..

Habang nagbibihis yung iba..
Naghahanda naman ako para sa mga kakainin namin..
Bukas ng tupper ware dito..
Tupper Ware doon..
Pagtapos nilang magayos at magbihis..
Kumain muna kami ng hapunan bago lumusong sa tubig..
Ramdam ko yung lamig..
Nanunuot sa katawan ko..

Maya-maya nagulat kami..
"umuulan ng yelo" sigaw ko. Sabay tawa.
May nanggugulo sa gabing hinintay ko..
Ang daming bato rin ang nagliparan nun..
Tawa kami ng tawa..
Sabi namin..
It's a sign!
sign na wag na nating ituloy.
Sabay tawa..

Maya-maya habang kumakain..
Nagaasaran kami..
Lumipat ako ng pwesto para makakuha ng maayos..
Para maabot ko na rin yung kanin..
Lahat kmi pagod sa biyahe..
Gutom..

Nakasabay ko siya na kumuha ng kanin..
Asaran parin kami..
Hanggang sa naramdaman ko nalang na yapos na niya ko..
Habang tumatawa..

Aaminin ko..
Iba ang dating sakin ng yakap nyang yun..
Sa tagal naming magkaibigan..
Nung gabing lang yun xa naging ganun sakin..

Aaminin ko..
Bumalik yung nararamdaman ko sakanya..

Aaminin ko..
May spark akong naramdaman..

Nang matapos na kaming kumain..
Lusong na sa tubig yung iba..
Pero ako..
Hindi muna..
Nagmuni-muni muna ko kasama ang dalawa kong best friend..
Picture muna kami..
Bonding..

Tapos..
Inaya ko na silang magswimming narin..
Pumayag sila..
Ang lalim pala..
Hindi ko abot.
Isang tapak ko lang..
Pwede na kong malunod.
Kaya umupo na lang kami sa gilid kasama yung iba..

Sa haba ng oras naming nkalubog sa tubig..
Isa-isa na rin kaming umahon at kumain ulit..
Habang yung iba bumalik sa pool..
Siya, ako at si Regg ay nanatili na lang na nakaupo habang tintignan sila..
Pagtingin ko sa likod..
Tulog na rin pala sina Jess at Jeffrey..
Pagtingin ko sa kanan ay tulog na rin pala si Regg..

Nagtanong ako ng oras sakanya..
"1 yata" sagot nya..
Tsaka ako humanap ng magandang pwesto para makaidlip ng konti at makabalik sa pool maya-maya..
Nang makahanap na ko..
Bigla siyang nagsalita..
"pahiga ha?"
at dumantay siya sa aking mga balikat..

Aaminin ko..
May naramdaman ako..
Aaminin ko..
Kinilig ako..
Aaminin ko..
Bumalik yung nararamdaman ko sakanya..

Nagusap kami..
Habang nakahiga siya saking mga balikat..
"tara! kwentuhan nalang tayo"
sabi nya..
Nagkwento siya ng mga nangyayari sakanya, sa eskwela..

"ang gulo nga ng prof na yun eh.. Kaya dito nalang kami nagovernight.. Umaga na rin ako nakauwi.. Hnatid ko pa kasi si ________"

Nung oras na yun..
Natigilan ako..
Aaminin ko..
May kirot akong naramdaman..
Aaminin ko..
Masakit..
Aaminin ko..
Nagselos ako kahit hindi naman dapat..
Kahit alam kong mali..
Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko..
Kung tatanong ko ba kung sino si kaye..
Kung magkukunwari nalang ako na nakatulog habang nagkkuwento siya..
Natahimik nalang ako..
Natahimik na rin siya..

*sana hindi nya nahalata*
sabi ko sa isip ko..
SANA..

Hindi pa rin kami naguusap..
Nakahiga lang siya sa balikat ko..
Hanggang sa naisipan kong lumayo muna saglit..
Ginising ko yung bestfriend ko para umikot muna..
Habang yung iba nasa pool..
Nagkakatuwaan..
Inaya ko na rin yung bestfriend ko na magpalit na..
Pumayag naman siya..

Sandali lang din nung umahon silang lahat..
Nagpalit na rin sila..
Naidlip muna ko habang hinhintay sila..
Pag gising ko..
Hindi pa pala lahat sila tapos na..
Kaya umupo muna ko tsaka binaba ang ulo para makaidlip ulit..

Umupo nalang ako nung hindi na ko makaidlip pa..
Dumating n siya..
Natapos narin siyang magayos..
Umupo siya sa tabi ko..
Nakita niya sigurong inaantok ako kaya pinahiga niya ko sa mga bag muna..
Pinatong niya yung bag ng bestfriend ko sa bag ko tsaka siya sumenyas na humiga na ko..
"magandang ideya"
yun nalang ang nasagot ko..

Nahiga ako sa mga bag na yon..
Pero ang totoo hindi talaga ko natulog..
Pinakiramdaman ko lang siya kung babantayan niya ko habang nagbibihis yung iba..
Sinisilip-silip ko siya..
Nagbabantay siya habang may kausap sa phone..
Gusto kong tumayo dun.
Gusto kong itanong kung sino yun..
Pero hindi ko magawa..
At wala rin akong karapatang gawin..

Maya-maya..
Hinawakan niya ko..
Pinatong nya ang mga kamay nya sa balikat ko na parang sinasabing..
"'wag ka mag alala babantayan kita"

Sandali lang nun..
dumating na sila..
Maingay nanaman..
Pero nakahiga parin ako..
Naramdaman ko nalang na inangat ako ng bestfriend ko..
Dumilat ako..
Pagtingin ko..
Babasahin lang pala nila kung ano yung nakalagay sa t-shirt ko..
Humiga ulit ako..
Sa sandaling yun..
Sa mesa ako nakadantay..
Kinuha nya yung kamay ko..
"kawawa naman si jheng.. Higa ka na ulit dito"
Sabi nya..
Sabay kuha sa balikat ko para ihiga ako ulit sa mga bag..
Hanggang sa maihiga niya ko ng maayos ay nakahawak pa rin siya sa mga balikat ko..

Aaminin ko..
Naramdaman ko yung concern niya..
Aaminin ko..
Mali na..

Habang nakadantay ako sa mga bag..
Ramdam ko na gusto niyang hawakan ang mga kamay ko..
Hanggang sa umuwi na kami..
Iniisip ko parin kung dapat bang ganun ang isipin ko sa mga ginawa niya?
O msyado ko lang nilagyan ng kahulugan ang mga iyon?

Meron siyang ibang mahal..
Pero gusto ko siya..
Ano bang magagawa ko?
Wala naman, hindi ba?
Kundi hayaan nalang na mawala ulit tong nararamdaman na to..
Hahayaan ko nalang na ang pnahon ang magsabi kung kelan dapat ko siyang mahalin..
Yung tama na..
Yung hindi na mali para sakin..
At para saknya..

Kung mababasa man niya to..
Sigurado akong malalaman niya na kagad na siya ang tinutukoy ko dito..
At hindi ko rin naman alam kung magugulat siya o matatawa..
Basta alam ko..
Mawawala na rin naman to..
Siguro..
Naging sabik lang ako masyado..
Dahil sa tagal na hindi ko siya nakita..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWd6yyMkFuI

Casey Mania :D

I was once a fan of American Idol since season 03..
'Cause that is the season where I knew Guy Sebastian who sang my favorite song.. "Angels Brought Me Here"
Then, I continue watching it.. Except from Guy.. I don't find any interesting person right after season 03.. Then, Season 08 comes where Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert came.. I become a big fan..

And now, another guy comes who made me really not just big but a huge huge fan of American Idol..

Casey James is from American Idol Season 09..

He's a great and amazing guitarist..
He's lovable (that's why I'm so in love with him! :) )
He's so beautiful..

What I love the most with this guy is his hair.

Simon Cowell often called him "goldilocks" because of his pretty hair! haha!
I absolutely love his eyes.. It's like an angel.. I mean, just like Andrew said.. every time he's performing then, the lights are at his back he's just like an angel.. Ü
And I thought that was true! :)

All casey fans.. Are with me! Right guys? lol

Well, anyway.. I'm hoping he'll not be eliminated because if he do.. I won't anymore watch American Idol.. lol
Just Kidding.. But seriously, I'm hoping he'll not be eliminated 'cause he's just so awesome! I LOVE HIM! :)

Let's all support him!
though, I can't vote him.. 'Cause I'm not from America. haha!lol

Angel's Cry..

Past? It's unchangeable.. Move On..

I now definitely believe to this saying..
Noon kasi tanga pa ko, pero ngayon okay na ko..
So much better..
Namulat na ko katotohanan na mali talaga.
Maling-maling na nakipagbalikan ako sakanya, na sinabi kong mahal ko pa siya..
Nagmukha akong tanga..

Pero ngayon..
WALA NA..
I'm so much better without her.. Yes HER! (alright. I used to be a bi.. But now, I'm straight.. I decide to become straight. Confused? Don't mind me either)
I'm okay..
I'm fine and now, I can stick to my words..

Tama sila..
This is just a part of growing up..
A part of being teenager, part of maturity..
I learned from it.
At least now, I can confidently say "I MOVED ON", I need to wake up from that sweetest dream of my life and FACE reality.

The only word, I guess, that I wanted to say is that "I LOVED YOU".
And yes! we're done. I accept.
Hindi ako bitter.
I don't feel any anger. :)

Instead, I want to say Thank You..
Thank you for teaching me how to be strong, how to be a better person, and how to love forbiddenly..

Sept. 04,2005~
This must be the weirdest day ever happen to my life.. I loved a wrong person at a wrong time..

Oct.13,2005~
First day when she gave me a letter..
I found it corny but sweet..
Treasured!

SG~
This was a Combo Attack in an Online Game.. And she gave a meaning to it.. Our first names.. :)

A dolphin necklace~
This is one of the reason why I loooooovvveee dolphins.. First gift from our first monthsary..
Treasured!

The song I'll never go~
This was her first song for me.. And I wanted her to thank for that.Ü

Maniwala ka Sana~
Kanta ng PNE.. Sabi nya kasi bagay daw sa sitwasyon namin noon..

Ako'y sayo at Ika'y akin~
Madalas nyang kantahin to sa labas ng corridor habang nakaupo at nakatingin sa langit.. Emo much..

Feb.05~
Nakipagbreak ako sayo.. 'Cause I thought it isn't right..

Kahit pinagtatawanan ako ng mga kaibigan ko. Ayos lang. Kasama yun eh. Kahit sarili ko nga pinagtatawanan ko na eh.

I love you and I forever will..
Wala na rin akong hinihinging kapalit sayo..
Tapos na tayo..
Tapos na ko sayo..
Wala ng ikaw...
Wala ng TAYO.. :)

Salamat sa lahat!
I know you're already happy with your life & I'm happy for you..:)

I won't say goodbye, rather.. See you soon.

I'LL LET YOU FLY NOW MY LITTLE BUTTERFLY.
I'LL LET YOU FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS & FIND MINE AS WELL.

Thank you for giving me a chance to love & to be a part of you :)
Thank you and See You Soon.. SG..Ü

Goodbye doesn't always mean forever..

Remember GOODBYE, Doesn't always mean FOREVER..

The moment I heard this song I got misty eyes.. I don't know maybe because of one of my best friends..
I missed her so much.. =(
And then I accidentally saw the date at that very moment
March 23, 2010..

5mos. ago she pass away..
I keep on asking Him, WHY?
WHY her?
Why not other?
Why not those criminals?
But still I'm the one who answered those questions..

Maybe, it's already her time..
Maybe GOD wants her to go back where she really belongs..
And then I found myself crying..
Crying so hard..

I can't explain how much I miss her..

She's a gift..
Not only for me but also for all the people who love her..

I don't know now how to move one..
My boyfriend (literally a GUY friend) told me that I should let go of her BUT for god sake! How would I do that if we became best friends for almost like 7years? =(
I don't want to throw that 7years just like that. It's hard.
Really hard.

"bud, don't forget about us! We're still here for you.. We all love her but we gotta do what's best for her and for us as well.. We have to let her go..
It's hard yea, it's never been to easy to let go of someone who already a part of you but we have to."


Those words awaken me. I realized how much she'll be happy if we do it.
If we just accept everything..
Though it's hard. I know right, but we're all be getting used to it.

And now, wherever you are my dear friend..
Thank you =(

Thank you for sharing you smile, your laughter, your sadness, your tears, & your dreams to us..

I'll never say bye 'cause I know we'll see each other again.. Maybe, not now but soon.. In the right place and in the right time..

I LOVE YOU AND I FOREVER WILL.. =)

I made this You-tube video for her..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qarHlTFCCV4

Be better than me babe.lol

Alright. I know it's so childish..
But..
What else can I do?
I'm really pissed with this stupid little girl..

She's a little xerox machine! lol
What I mean is.. She's copying everything..
No. Not actually everything..
Some.. yea. some of what I have && some of what I want..
Isn't that embarrassing?

I was actually observing her with what will she do if I did these and that..
And yes!
She copied it and I'm so pissed!!!

Alam ko naman na lahat tayo may karapatang gawin to o yun..
Pero alam mo yun NAKAKAINIS?
Yun yon..
Aaaaaa!!!
Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin pero..
Nakakaasar lang talaga..
Pero minsan..
Nakakatawa din kasi..
Alam mo yung may nagaadmire sayo..
And they want also to be like you..
But sometimes..
It's irritating..

An old issue becoming so new now..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJXiE5JjQVs

Alright. Another "satanic symbolism" from somebody..

Sayyyyy! I don't know what they want..
I don't even believe them..
I'm not being so narrow minded here or something..

I just don't want to believe them though they do have proofs..
It's just that I know the band and what ever they'll say is more important than anyone..

"I am satan and I can be a bull fighter"

Huh? I don't even believe how those words pop-out!

These sign..
\m/
every rock star using these!
So, I won't anymore be shocked if they're using it as well.
They are a rock band..
So, if this is a sign of satan..
It can also means all rock bands are satan..
And a part of Illuminati?

I will never believe anyone unless hayley or anyone in the band will say that they are a part or they are satan..

You can call me blind for not seeing those proofs but what important to me is what Paramore will be saying..

I'll remain a Paramore lover! :)
I'm a fan so I'll continue supporting them..

Whether they are this or that..

Just saying..

From a wanderer..

Why people always changing their minds?
Changing their minds so fast!
Or like..
Changing something in their own body..
Or personality..

And why can't we be so contented with what we have?
Well, as for me.. As for MY own lifestyle..
I am really not so contented with what I have..
Not contented with having this or having that..
I'm kinda adventurous so I want to try everything! :)

Just like this example..


you do have a straight hair, then, you want it to become curl..
but if you have a curly hair you'll make it so straight..
haha!
Not just that..

People that have a fair complexion they want to be white?
Then, the white one.. Wanted to become fair..
So they'll try tanning..

Why if you're fat.. you'll do everything to become so skinny?
Why skinny people wanted to be fat?

Why girl wanted to be a guy?
Why other guy wanted to be a girl?

Why short people wanted to be so tall?
Why tall people wanted to become short?

Why famous artists wanted to go back being ordinary citizen?
Why ordinary citizens wanted to become famous?

Why black hair have to dye to become blonde?
Why blonde wanted to have a black hair?

Why singers wanted to be a dancers?
Why dancers wanted to be singers?

Why does people wanted to have tattoo?
While people who does have tattoo wanted it to be removed?

Why chinky eyed people wanted to have a bigger and circled eye?
While those people who blessed with a big and circle eyes wanted to have a chinky eyes?

Why some people wanted to have a piercings?
Why some people not?

I'm just wandering..

hmm.. -.-

A new fan :)

Alright.
I've known this band for like about..
A year ago..
I honestly don't know some of their songs..
And honestly not a big fan..
But I DO like them :)
They're somewhat like Paramore..
Alright. I'm not comparing them or something..
I like them both..
Though I love Paramore way better..

Anyway, I found sierra kusterbeck so hot! :)
She's pretty, gorgeous, awesome, and a great singer as well..
They rule! :)

I love their songs...
Specially, past praying for && Whisperer :)

I want to know them MORE! :)
I think I'll love them as much as I love Paramore now! :D

Brown eyed girl..

When I was a little I dreamt of having a blue and stunning eyes..
Even until now.. I wanted it..
But since I am a Filipino I don't have a chance having those..

I am a brown eyed girl..
One of those typical girl who have it..
At first, I didn't like it..
Until I knew the real meaning of having a brown eyes..

And here it is,

Love to make new friends..
Kind and polite..
Can anyone laugh or cheer them up..
Straight up warriors, not the one to mess with..
Will do anything for that special person..

"Your eyes always reflect the same emotion as your smile. You aren't a liar, and don't try to hide the true you with a fake smile. You are out there, and, overall, a happy person. You are brown eyes"

This is one of the most prettiest thing I've ever read..
Hella true.. And suits me! :)

I got this after I took the quiz from FB..
Because I am so bored..
How do you lie?

"You lie with your eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but you protect your soul to the bitter end. You can control the amount of information your eyes give to people. When you lie, you are very convincing because your eyes seem to agree with your words. You can say so much with very little actual talking. People trust you, even if they shouldn't, but it takes a lot for you to trust anyone. When you gaze into peoples' eyes, it is an intense stare. People often look away because when they look into your eyes, they feel like you know all of there secrets; almost like you can read their minds. However, when you do trust someone enough to show them your soul, they get lost in your eyes and cannot look away. People who lie with their eyes are the most convincing liars.

You lie to protect people from the world, but you also lie to protect yourself. You like to keep the focus on others rather than yourself. At times, your friends will get on the subject of you and realize how little they actually know about you. You are good at slyly changing the subject, but there are people out there who recognize this behavior. These people are both your weakness, and your greatest friends. It takes a very understanding, intelligent person to understand what goes on inside your head. You often will hang out with people who don't quite understand what you are doing because you feel safer knowing no one is inside your head. You, however, are inside everyone's' head. You know their feelings and motives and lie to manipulate them into doing the smart thing. You block yourself from others who think like you, but let them inside your head every once in a while, and you will find that it is worth the risk."

The meaning of this all really suits me..

I love making friends..
Making new friends.. =)
It's a hobby for me..Ü

I am kind for people who are also kind to me..
But not to mess up with..

I love making people laugh..
I cheer them up when they're kinda sad..
Or needs a shoulder to lean on..
It's always my pleasure doing those kind of things..

And most of all I AM A HAPPY AND JOLLY PERSON :)

Brick by boring brick.. Mind Controlling?

http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=2917

Alright.
The moment I saw this link I become a little curious..

It says there that Brick by boring brick is a mind controlling video..
Well, for me I can't say that isn't right.. It is his opinion, that's what he can say about the video..

Everybody can say anything they want to say.. That is they're opinions..
I just don't know why this Vigilant Citizen can say those..
I'm a bit curious..
I am not starting a fight here guys..
Since he state his perceptions..

Here's mine..

Brick by boring brick is a very meaningful song..
Alice in Wonderland inspired..
Did I say it right?
I just don't know if this really a mind controlling one..
Cuz it doesn't control mine..
Or.. I misunderstood what he wanted to say?

Anyway, Brick by boring brick is about a kid who wanted to escape from her tragic world..
And of course everyone of us wanted to be in fairytale..
I mean, to experience fairytale..
So, she's just imagining of a happy moment..
She wanted to become free..
She wanted to become somebody else and or like a fairy just like Alice..
But in the middle of the video you can see that the whole thing becomes dark..
Then, the kid starts to run because a monster (yea. whatever you call it) wanted to caught her..
And for me..
My perception to that is..
That monster represents her problems, her tragic in life, her trials, her dark side that she NEEDS to face..
The monster wanted to say to her that she cannot run from her problems..
She needs to face it and solve it with her strength and courage..

"If its not real you can't hold it in your hands..
You can't feel it with your heart..
And I won't believe it..
But if it is true
You can see it with your eyes
Oh even in the dark
And this is where I want to be"

Everyone needs to face his/her problems..
No matter how hard it is..
No matter how impossible it is to be solved..
You gotta give it a try..
And that is what I THINK the band wanted to tell us..
I mean the song..
As well as the video..

It is just a matter of believing in your own or depending on others..

It is also between the reality and the unconsciousness of the people..

I hope it helps..
And not to confuse your minds.. :)

JUST SAYIN'

Bored. Survey will do.

Alright. Got this survey?
Uh-oh.. I don't know if this is really a survey or somethin'
Well, anyway.. Hope you guys should answer this too..
It's fun especially if you're bored.. lol



WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage -- water.. :p I'm not anymore drinking soda's tho..
2. last phone call -- jessica
3. last text message -- ashen
4. last song you listened to -- My number one- Paramore (okay now, it's pretty obvious I'm a fan! lol)
5. last time you cried -- aaaaaaaa..... A year ago.. haha!

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice -- NO :)
7. been cheated on -- yes.. Well, anyway.. He's an idiot so it doesn't matter..lol
8. kissed someone & regretted it -- yes! haha
9. lost someone special -- yes..
10. been depressed -- yea..
11. been drunk and threw up -- lol. no.. not yet.. haha

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red
13. black
14. orange

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)
15. Made a new friend -- yes! :D And it feels so great
16. Fallen out of love - No, cuz I didn't fall in love yet tho..
17. Met someone who changed your life -- not yet..
19. Found out who your true friends were? -- not yet
20. Found out someone was talking about you -- yeaaaa..
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list -- hahaha!! the truth is.. YES! haha! you gotta find out who he is..lol

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life -- all of them :)
24. Do you have any pets-- no.. I have none..
25. Do you want to change your name -- YES! hahaha! But it can't be it's possible..
26. What did you do for your last birthday --I sleep. haha! Mi madre don't want to celebrate it so, I've to agree with her.. Whether I like it or not..
28. What were you doing at midnight last night -- txting..
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for -- Uh.. Paramore's come back! :D
30. Last time you saw your Mother --A while ago.. I'm always seeing her. haha
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? -- None. I'm pretty contented about what's happening to my life right now..
32. What are you listening to right now - Telephone.. Man! this is so epic!
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom -- No.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now -- Nothing.. ATM.. But let see later. hahalol
35. Most visited webpage -- Paramore.net
37. Nicknames -- jheng.. :)
38. Relationship Status -- Taken but available. hahalol :D
39. Zodiac sign -- taurus.
40. He or She? -- She.
41. Elementary? -- Holy Spirit Elem. School
43. High school -- New Era High School
44. Hair colour -- Brown.
45. Long or short -- Long.
46. Height -- 5'1''.
47. Do you have a crush on someone? -- yes! :)
49. Piercings -- ears, tounge, and nose.. :L
50. Tattoos -- none.
51. Righty or lefty -- lefty.. haha! WTH is that word.. Lefty uh.

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery-- No.. None..
53. First piercing -- Ears.
54. First best friend -- Regeline&&Girlie! they're both awesome! :)
55. First sport you joined -- Volleyball.
56. First vacation -- Ilocos! :D :D Awesome!
58. First pair of trainers -- OH no.. I forgot..

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating -- later! :)
60. Drinking -- later as well.. :))
61. I'm about to -- finish everything now.. :)
62. Listening to -- baby- JB awesome! :D
63. Waiting for -- me to finish this survey.. haha! creepy.. I'm waiting for myself lol

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? -- Yea.. But.. Only 2
65. Get Married? -- Yea. Well, Who wants to be an old maid? lol
66. Career? -- this should be related to what course I took :) or maybe, a model? hahalol!

WHICH IS BETTER:
67. Lips or eyes?-- Eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses? -- Hugsssss..
69. Shorter or taller? -- Taller.. But I have 2 guys.. they're not tall tho..
70. Older or Younger? -- Older. But not as older as 5 or 6 years..
71. Romantic or spontaneous? -- Spontaneous :)
72. Nice stomach or nice arms? -- Nice arms.. Cos I don't have one..lol
73. Sensitive or loud? -- Loud. :)
74. Hook-up or relationship? -- Relationship.
75. Trouble-maker or hesitant? -- None..

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger? -- No. haha! that's weird..
77. Drank hard liquor? -- yes..
78. Lost glasses/contacts -- No.. Not yet..
79. Sex on first date -- HELL NO! Who would have?
80. Broken someone's heart -- IDK.. Maybe?
81. Had your own heart broken --hahaa :)) Maybe..
82. Been arrested -- No.. I'm not a criminal. haha
83. Turned someone down -- Yea :) Many times.. So, Am I the bad person here?
84. Cried when someone died -- Oh yea.
85. Fallen for a friend? -- Yes! And I don't know how to stop..

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself -- OF COURSE..
87. Miracles -- yea.. Maybe?
88. Love at first sight -- yes.. Sort of? haha
89. Heaven -- Yes.
90. Santa Claus -- haha! My mum was santa! lol
91. Kiss on the first date -- No..
92. Angels -- Yup.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf? -- NO..
95. Did you sing today? -- Everytime budd!
96. Ever cheated on somebody? -- Haha! I did once, but it's kinda weird.. So, I won't do it again..lol
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? -- High school days.. 2nd year to be specific.. Uh, 'cause I want my bestfriend to comeback.. :(
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? -- October 23,2009 :(
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? -- Yes.. Cause I'm afraid of getting hurt.. So sappy. lol
100. Posting this as 100 Truths about You? --Haha! Now! A proof that I really got this from survey's on FB.. lol

Don't kill me tonight..

Alright. I heard this song in You Tube a while ago..

This was the Back Ground song of Josh && Hayley's rare pics..
I just notice their sweetness way before they broke up..
And I wonder, why they broke up? -.-

They are the perfect couple I've ever seen..
Well, I'm not against
Jenna && Josh as well as Hayley && Chad..

It's just that they're so perfect together..
Now, I got this site info..
That they broke up because they don't want people to know them as Hayley & Josh in a relationship or something..
They do want Paramore to gain fame because of their music not because of them two..
Well, I have nothing against it..
I respect their reasons anyway..

And wanted to say best wishes for the soon Mrs. Farro..
Jenna :)
And to Josh as well..


I got this from Paramore.net
Posted by: v

This was an interview from Kerrang Magazine..
I won't be posting everything..
I'll be getting some of I think most epic questions && epic answer.. =)
Let's started out this..

On Brand New Eyes the lyrics to Looking Up – ‘could have given up so easily, I was a few cheap shots away from the end of me’ – suggest that you could have quit Paramore. With hindsight, how close do you think you were from walking away?

“Well, in hindsight, it feels a bit less dramatic than it probably really was, but I guess that’s the same with any situation. When we were writing that song it was one of the first songs we wrote for the record that wasn’t angry or mad, so when I sang the first verse to the dudes, it was almost like ‘Ahhh... deep breath... finally we can breathe’. There were a lot of things I said in the songs that I never said to the guys straight up, so when we finally wrote a song it was like, ‘Okay, good, now we can finally move on’. Those are some of my favourite lyrics ever, because it’s almost like we’d come full circle from the start of the song writing process. Now I’m so psyched when we play it every night, I feel like it’s proof that the song is so real because we’re standing up on the stage, happier than we’ve ever been.

Songs like Playing God suggest that you’re no-one’s pushover now...

“Playing God took on a different area of frustration where it had more to do with my faith. I felt really judged and I was feeling like people didn’t know me, and they don’t want to know me. I felt like everyone was looking at me like I was less than them.”

You recently went public about your former three year relationship with Josh Farro. Why was it so important to you both to keep that relationship a secret in the first place?

“What’s funny about it is that it became a bigger deal for us than it would have been if it had been out the whole time. Really it was about us being in control of one aspect of out crazy lives, Being really young we were totally dumb and didn’t know what we were doing and we were, like, ‘Let’s now tell anyone, let’s keep it a secret’. But then it became such a burden. It sucked because we couldn’t be ourselves. I was 16 years old, and it was so stupid: we weren’t in high school, we were away from our parents, and yet we were still putting all these weird rules on our lives because of other people.”

So there’s no awkwardness between you now?

“No. Josh and I are better friends than we would have ever been just dating each other. And in writing songs we just have a connection that you don’t find with anyone else.”

What’s the craziest rumour you’ve read about yourself online?

“it’s still the ‘Hayley is pregnant’ rumour. That’s been going on since our band ever started. Apparently I’ve been pregnant at least five different times that I didn’t know about! It’s nuts! The last time I heard it was about nine months ago, So I guess I’d have had the kid by now! Someone was saying, ‘Yeah, Hayley’s pregnant and all the guys from New Found Glory are coming to Tennesee to aid in her pregnancy’. And then I was getting engaged and married – it was just crazy.”

Speaking of New Found Glory, what has Chad brought to your life?

“Without being super detailed, I definitely feel I can be 100 per cent myself with Chad. If I’m having a shitty day because something happened on tour, even if I can’t put it to words, he gets it, because he’s been there. The coolest thing is that we’re friends and we love each other. I don’t know what I would have done without him when I really didn’t have any of the other guys in the band to talk to.”

No regrets then that you didn’t go through college or got a more normal job?

“No. I don’t think I would make it in college, I think I’d be awful at that. Regret is useless, I don’t regret anything.”

And that's it! :D

Para-Thrilla in Manila

"I don't want to wait another 5years to come back"--hayley

And we don't want to wait another million years to watch you guys performing live! :D


March 09,2010


It was a night to remember..
Paramore rocks Manila..

It was so awesome!
I feel so starstruck!

They rock my night!

As you can see.. Hayley's so gorgeous! I'm willing to trade anything just to touch her hands! hahalol
But uh no, I'm not kidding..
I want her! :)

Jeremy Davis is so damn HOT!
He's really stunning! Wohoo!

And I would like you to meet my Parawhores friends..
We call ourselves parawhores right before the concert though this tag name "parawhore" didn't start to us.. We used it to just show our support to the band :D

I am really looking forward to their come back :D
Hope they will.. *fingers tied*

Can love really conquers all?

I was once in love with this guy.. He's the perfect guy for me.. A prince for a waiting princess as they say, he cares for me, he loved me, he's the one every girls looking for.. I experience fairytale since the day I met him..
I feel heaven every time he'll be touching my hand, my heart beats so fast the moment he's around..

He treated me like I'm the luckiest girl in town, he's always making a joke just to see me smile whenever I'm sad, He's just so perfect for me.. But not with me..

A month before my high school graduation, I was shocked by his coldness to me.. What I mean is he's not anymore talking to me.. I asked his friends and they all answer me the same stupid answer.. "we don't know, sorry"

I was so depressed.. I don't even have a single idea what I did for him not to talk to me..

And then one day, a concern friend told me everything.. every single detail..

She said "he fell for you.. he couldn't explain it but he thought there's something special between the two of you.. But you hurt him.."

I ask her how did I hurt him?

Did I hurt him?
Did I did something stupid to hurt his feelings?
Am I the bad person here?

I don't know..
There's no idea inside me..
So I ask my friend..

HOW?

"for having an affair to someone else.. He loves you so much.. You're the last girl who made him laugh so hard since he broke up with his girl"


Alright. I made him laugh, I made him smile, I made him happy..
Is that all the reason why he fell in love with me?
Why does he have reasons?

Graduation day..

My friend planned for a short talk for me and for him..
But she fail..
This guy doesn't want to talk to me.. ANYMORE

I got hurt...
I mean, he's so important to me..
I began to love him..
He became a part of me..
But he refused to.

I know it's my fault..
I'm having an affair to someone else but he let me do that..
I thought he doesn't like me that's why I decide to have an affair to someone else..

I just don't want be called like "assuming" or something..
I should have take the risk..
There's no wrong in doing that anyway..
But I let myself be afraid in doing it.

I'm stupid..
I'm numb..
I'm insane..

I should let him speak for his self!
In the first place, I should believe for what he says not for others'

I sacrifice everything to have him back..
To have his feelings back..
I give everything up..
My friends..
My own happiness..

Now I know..
Love can really conquers all..
Though not all relationship has a happy ending..
Some times you got to make it happen..

He's my number one..
He's my hero..
He's my prince..
He's the only one for me..
He's my only exception..
He's everything for me..

But now he's just a dream..
He's my beautiful nightmare..

And I will never admit that I loved you..