Always the friend BUT never the girl.. Ironically true.

"I've known you for so long you are a friend of mine.. But is this all we'd ever be? I've loved you ever since you are a friend of mine but babe, is this all we ever could be?"

Another song that suits my dilemma this past few days..
It's so hard to fall in love.. But it's even harder to fall in love with your friend :(

April 17,2010~
We both went to a Lamb of God Main Act Concert.. PULP summer slam to be exact, with his cousin and our mutual friend..
I enjoy the evening..
I enjoy being with him..
But what I mostly enjoy is how he show his concern to me..

He asks me, "hey, you okay?"
"are you tired?"
"are you stressed?"

Alright. I know it's so normal for a friend to ask those..
But if your going to ask me if it's normal.. Well, no. 'cause I like him.. And every day that pass I'm liking him even more.

Okay.. When the concert starts.. I knew it was going to be a riot. lol! 'Cause it's Lamb of God so there will gonna be moshpits!
I know I can handle those stupid ass but he still cares for me..
He hugs me whenever those stupid ass push us and kick our butt..
He gives me air to breathe.. He even hold my hand.. :(

I prayed for that night NOT to end..
But sooner it'll end..

After that sweat and rocking first song performance of L.O.G..
He touches my face then smile..
I swear! That'll be the happiest moment of my life! :)

But after that rocking night I wonder.. "does he have the heart too?"
Or it's me again putting a lot of meaning into it?
I can't help myself but to wonder..
So, I texted my friend to ask what is this guy wanted to tell..
And I was disappointed when he answered me..
"you're still the friend I've known.. Don't mind what he's doin' I mean, the sweetness he's showing you. You're just a friend. Remember that! Put that in your mind!"

I wanted to cry.. But I can't. If I cry.. He might ask me what's wrong.. So, I hold my tears and try to smile and make some jokes..
Can you imagine how painful I went through? :((
It was HELL!

Then, the moment some stupid ass push me..
He hold my hand but this time.. I let go.
It'll hurt me more if I continue believing that he also has a heart.
It'll hurt me more if I continue believing that he wanted to be with me.

I want him.. God knows I really love him.
But it's too painful for me to admit it.

I'm afraid of the possibilities that he might be distant from me..
I don't want it to happen.. :L

Now, if I would be given a chance I'll shout in front of him "I LOVE YOU" :(

I guess, this saying is true..
Always the friend and never the girl.. :(