Temporary

"'Cuz anyone can see that this is only permanent.. Temporary So don't hurt me this time.. And it's all a GAME but I know we'll stay the same But repetition ends in failure And every time I see it in your eyes.. When repetition ends we'll start over"

this was my favorite lines in Paramore song Temporary..
the moment I hear this song..
I was like..
"Oh no! It suits me.. It suits everything about me.. About what's happening to me right now"

So, I use to love this another song from Paramore..
It's Demo though.. And it's so 2004..

Alright. Off topic..
Last night, I went to Misty's place to celebrate his birthday..
I enjoyed it.
I loved it.
And I am actually excited to meet some new people..

I was sharing my experience last April 9 in some of my friends who unfortunately didn't get a chance to join us..
Then, I open again the topic about me & the guy with me on the said date..
I swear! I still can't get over!

How I wish I could tell him how much he mean to me..
How much I wanted him..
How much I want him to be with me..

I know, it isn't right but what am I gonna do.. If he's the only reason why this heart not afraid to try and to love again?

I was once hurt by the person who means so much to me..
Every time I'll take a ride then accidentally seeing his house..
I can't help myself but to reminisce everything we've had..
I know, I'm stupid letting him go..
I know I hurt him.. And hurt myself as well..

And now, my heart says, "I'm now ready to fall in love with him.."
And my mind says "but don't choose him.. He's not the one"

What now? Am I going to follow my heart? Or to follow my mind?
I don't know what to do..

If I continue loving him..
I'll end up hurting my heart..
Hurting my entire self..

"baka naman walalang yun sakanya..
Binigyan mo lang ng meaning?
Wag mo msyadong isipin yun..
Kasi baka masaktan ka lang"

"Ako din ganyan.. Akala ko wala na.. Pero nung nakita ko siya ulit.. Bumalik.. At hanggang ngayon.. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya.. Subukan ko mang pigilan nasasaktan naman ako."

This was my friend's statement about my situation..
Did I really give such a malicious meaning to those things he did to me?
Or he also has a heart?
I bravely asked my bff about him and ___..
And she briefly explain to me the whole story..

"Hindi sila nung _____.. Nililigawan niya lang yun.. Parang ayaw pa nga nung girl eh, pero mahalaga na rin daw si _____ sakanya.. Hindi naman daw maganda yung girl.. Nagustuhan nya lang talaga.. M.U yata sila ngayon.. You know, just like any other boy,girl situation.. They value each other that big but NO COMMITMENTS."

When I heard her saying there are NO COMMITMENTS going on between the two..
I was really happy but then, a bit sad when she told me that "they value each other so much"
How I wish he value me as much as he's valuing _____ :(

But if he's really be happy with that girl.. I'll have nothing against it.
It'll make me so sad and depressed tho..

Everything in these world is Temporary..
Learn to value those people who loves you..
'Cause they may not be there the next day..
So, love them as much as God loves you :)

As of now, I'll just teach myself how to love him unconditionally..
Meaning, I'll love him without expecting anything in return..
I know it'll hurt me..
But that's the irony of life..

you'll love but not be love or you'll be love but you don't love
as irony as
fish can't fly and birds can't swim.. :L

He'll still be the reason why my heart chooses to love again..
Nothing more.. Nothing less..