WHY?

I have a lot of questions in my mind.

I have a lot of "drama's" in my life.

Why am I not like this?

Why am I not like that?

WHY?

Why are you giving me so much pain?

Why do you have to do this to me?

NO. Why fate introduced you to me?

Why destiny let you exist in my world?

Why love have to grow?

I want to forget this.

I want to forget my feelings.

I want to just live life without you. Haha. Yeah, I know, THE HELL YOU CARE?! Sorry ha. My life's just full of drama! D-R-A-M-A!

I can't help it. I can't just tell my heart, "Hey! Stop loving him. Stop beating." Damn! For chrissake! I've tried and for the Nth time.... I FAIL! :'/

It's still you whom I want.

It's still you whom I like.

It's still you whom I want to share my "forever" with.

yeah, if forever exist.

I know, I look so goddamn stupid for doing this..

These moves,

these stories,

these blogs,

these poems,

but how can I blame myself? Kung nagustuhan lang naman kita diba?

Is it a sin to LOVE? I mean, am I committing sin?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

YES because I know, you're getting tired of all the rumors,

all the stories, all the people telling you things about this, about me.

NO because I just admired you, or better say I just love you.

Sorry for all the rumors.

Sorry for the mess I'm making.

Sorry for interfering your silent world.

I know, you'll know it.

Sooner or later, you'll be reading this.

Sorry because I like you.

Don't worry 'cause I'll teach myself to forget everything.

You know, as if nothing happens.

As if I don't know you.

As if you don't exist.

You'll be happy, I know, and you'll say, "Hay! Buti naman natauhan na siya. Ayoko naman talaga sakanya."

Hindi mo man sabihin, ramdam ko. :-)

i'm praying for tomorrow if I woke up, I'll be the old me.

NO YOU.

NO LOVE.

NO EVERYTHING but A SMILE. :-)

I'm okay but not alright.

I can say that I'm okay but not fully recovered.

This past few months, I blogged about him, only about him.
I'm in love, I'm light, I'm in cloud 9 but I realize sometimes, we have to wake up and face reality, face the consequences for taking the risk, face the pain though it hurts like hell.

I know I don't have the right to demand nor assume from him but as a human I guess, I still have the right to say "it hurts", it feels like I was hit by a car and praying not to wake up again but unfortunately when I opened my eyes... I'm at the hospital.. Curing myself..
I thought I was okay, it's fine with me as if nothing happens, I'm not affected but at the end of the day, I will think of no one but him.

Ang hirap lang kasi wala akong pinanghahawakan. Walang ikaw. Walang ako. Walang TAYO. Walang mga salitang "ingat ka", I miss you" at "I love you". Kahit ilang beses kong sabihing "KAYA KO" hindi ko pa rin kaya at hindi ko pa rin kayang kayanin na lang muna. Ganito pala pag nagmahal ka ng totoo, yung lahat binigay mo pero hindi ka pwedeng umasa ng kapalit, hindi ka pwedeng umiyak, hindi ka rin pwedeng magreklamo.. Kasi ginusto mo yan.

Maybe one day, I won't anymore think of you nor say anything about you; saying your name will be the hardest thing to remember and I'm hoping one day, if our paths will ever cross again, at least saying "what's your name again?" will be my lightest day because for once, I'll forget everything I went through when I'm deeply in love with you. I don't blame you nor the girl you like, you know who I blame? MYSELF! For letting me fall into you, no, fall deeply in love with you. I'm not perfect, I can't even say I'm intelligent, I can't compete to her, I'm not even pretty but I have one word to describe me, I'M UNIQUE. :-)

Iba ako sakanya, sakanila. Kung kaya nila, siguro nga hindi ko kaya pero alam ko sa sarili kong yun ang susi para mas kakayanin ko at lagpasan pa sila. Kumbaga sa daan, pakanan lahat sila, pakaliwa ako. Mahirap, malayo, maraming harang, walang short cut pero alam kong nasa tamang daan parin ako. Di ba nga.. Mas minamahal ang mga taong pinahihirapan? :-)

I know God love me because He put a barrier between you and me. At this point in time, I learn to value myself more, learn to love myself more and learn to smile more often.

BEING GREAT IS GOOD BUT BEING UNIQUE IS BETTER.Ü

Hope you find your happiness. :-)
And I'm hoping this is not the last time I will feel this, because falling in love can give you lightness within, though it will give you pain and heartaches but at the end of the day you'll see yourself NEW, FRESH and READY AGAIN TO FACE THE DAY. :-)

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1.03.01

August 23,2010

Alright. I'm writing random thoughts AGAIN. :)

Well, I just really want to share what happened a while ago..
So, I went to our room. I actually arrived LATE! Epic!
I'm always late anyway, so, WHAT'S NEW?
I'm expecting him to be there the moment I enter the room but UNFORTUNATELY, he's waaayyy later than me. :))))))))
Meant to be? lol!

So, after that class.. We had a Film Analysis in my Philippine Constitution subj. w/c I thought was pretty great! :)

Exactly 2pm, our last class for today..
I'm HAPPY! SUPER! :)
During the class I was assigned to distribute the paper w/c I hate, I just don't know what spirit go over me and I loved it. :)))
Oh shocks! :D

then, right after I went outside.. Tiff called me then, ask for my permission to just you know.. give some comments about her finding a bassist.. And after what had happened.. I can't remove my smile from my face :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE.. Ü
WE CAN DANCE FOREVER. :)♥

SMILE :)

I saw you walking
Did you see me staring?
I smiled at you
And look at your eyes too

I'm inspired seeing you
And starting the day too
Just you and your heart
Can put my pique apart

You really are a gift from God
You make me happy when I'm sad
I'm so blessed I found you
I know now what to do

I love you yesterday
I love you today
Will love you tomorrow
And until tomorrow ends

ADMI(RED)

Just the way you are
And the way you talk
You are a present from above
Round and round I search
Over and over I quest
More love I give
Everything that you do is a gift
Pick you up on my dreams
All these feelings emerge
But you still pick her over me
Lost in love I become
Oh! My dear, you still have my heart. :(

what you did to me is a Major Disaster..

I've been dreaming of you for almost a month now.. I always day dream that one day I will be the one holding your hands and we're both walking under the sun beside the sea shore.

Everytime I'll look at you I can't help but smile..
Everytime you'll look at me I can't help but blush..
You're just a perfect prince for a waiting princess..
Can't we just be more than what we have right now?

Whenever the class starts, I'm wanting you to look at me or at least just a glance from you.. But I always fail. :(

One day, I saw you looking at me.. My heart beats so fast, my cheeks blush, and my hands trembled.. See what you can do to me?
You're like a lightning to me.. You always make me shock.

I'm eager now to give my heart and I know soon you'll be the one to take it..
Say it... Say it that you're going to take it?
I'm afraid to fall because I'm afraid you're not going to catch me..
But I'm taking the risk.. Taking the risk even if I don't know what will happened next..

I like you, I love you, I adore you, I want you.. What else can I say?
Aren't you believing me?
I'm saying the truth, I do love you..
And I'll wait till you say I love you too..

When I look at the sky..
It's your face I see..
In my dream you kiss me..
And my body tend to fly..

When I hear you speak..
I take a little peek..
I saw your eyes twinkling..
Like a shining star at night..

Your voice is like a music in my ears..
It keeps on running and it's so fierce..
How can I tame you?
If you were like a boar destroying my own forest?

I can't turn my back on you..
'Cause I love every little thing that you do..
I'm your biggest fan..
And you're my hero..

It's your face, your lips and your eyes..
That made my heart melt like an ice..
I want to just go with the flow..
So, please don't go..:(

Infatuation or love?

Alright. So, it's been 3months since I wrote a blog..
Yes. 3mos. if I'm not mistaken..

I just want to share this to you..
I've known this guy for like a year BUT were not friends it's just that I knew him 'cause he's my former classmate last year..

And I honestly don't have this "mutual" feelings for him... yet.

June 18, 2010
We had an activity..
Also the day where I notice him..
Notice his eyes and his smile..
I don't know but after that said activity my feelings began to grow..

I honestly don't know how to start my day w/out seeing him..
I know it's kinda weird but it's true...
He's actually my appetizer.. (if you know what I mean)

Some of my classmates were really shock when I told them I had a crush on him.. I don't know why they reacted like that.. haha! But anyway, it doesn't matter.. What matters is.. Me and my mutual feelings for him.. :)

I don't know if it's love or just an infatuation..
But whatever it is..
I'm loving it.. :)